STOP Telling People To Regulate Their F*cking Nervous System!

When Calm Becomes the New Colonizer
(A somatic love letter to the misunderstood nervous system)

Let’s be honest — the phrase “just regulate your nervous system” has become the new spiritual gold standard.
But regulate into what, and for whose comfort?

When “calm” becomes the only acceptable nervous system state, we start worshipping stillness and banishing aliveness.
We silence rage, grief, and trembling — the very expressions that are trying to complete the body’s stress cycle.

The nervous system was never designed to stay calm.
It was designed to move.
To pulse, to shake, to cry, to roar.

True regulation isn’t control — it’s capacity.
It’s the ability to flow between activation and rest without losing connection to yourself or the world.

And yet, most of us have learned to shut that flow down.
Through cognitive override.
Cultural conditioning.
Over-coping.
“Good vibes only.”

When calm becomes compliance, healing becomes performance.
And we lose touch with the wild, intelligent organism that knows exactly how to complete what never got to.

Coming Home to the Body: Why Somatic Healing is a Revolution

For most of human history, our ancestors lived in harmony with the natural world, their bodies deeply attuned to the rhythms of the earth. As nomadic hunter-gatherers, they moved with the seasons, felt the pulse of the land beneath their feet, and relied on instinct to survive – as all other animals. Life was an embodied experience—movement, presence, and connection weren’t luxuries; they were survival. But something shifted. Around 12,000 years ago, the agricultural revolution changed everything. Settling into permanent communities introduced hierarchy, ownership, control—not just over land, but over bodies and emotions. The body, once honored as wise, became something to discipline, dominate, ignore. We began the slow drift into what we might call the trance of disembodiment. Over generations, this severing from somatic intelligence has shaped how we relate to ourselves, each other, and the earth. The effects? Chronic stress. Anxiety. Burnout. Disconnection. A society where people feel isolated in a hyperconnected world. How Disconnection Became the Default Humans are wired for connection. As social mammals, we co-regulate: our nervous systems respond to others via tone of voice, facial expression, posture, presence. Safety isn’t just an idea—it’s a felt sense. Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory explains this well. When we feel supported and seen, our ventral vagal systemactivates. We feel grounded, curious, connected. Our body becomes a safe place to be. But when connection is lost—through trauma, stress, or systemic oppression—the body reacts: Fight/Flight: Hypervigilance, reactivity, anxiety Freeze/Shutdown: Numbness, withdrawal, dissociation This isn’t just personal. It’s collective. Capitalism, colonialism, patriarchy—all systems that reinforce separation, suppression, and survival over safety and sovereignty. And the result? Chronic pain, tension, autoimmune conditions Emotional exhaustion, high-functioning anxiety Nervous systems stuck in overdrive or collapse But what if these symptoms are not dysfunction? What if they are your body’s intelligent response to a world that is constantly overstimulating, unsafe, and unrelenting? The Somatic Shadow: Befriending the Parts That Protected You When we disconnect from our bodies, we also disconnect from the parts of ourselves that once learned how to keep us safe. Those parts—maybe perfectionism, people-pleasing, freezing, over-achieving, caretaking—aren’t flaws. They are protectors. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, they are adaptive, wise parts of us that emerged in childhood or crisis to preserve love, belonging, safety. But what protected you then might now be holding you back. These parts try to help, but when they run the show, we lose access to our embodied Self. The true Self is not a performance. It’s not a perfect version of you. It is the you that exists underneath survival: calm, clear, connected, curious, creative, compassionate. Somatic healing helps us re-establish this Self-leadership—not from the mind, but from the body. Because trauma isn’t stored in thoughts. It lives in: Fascia Breath patterns Posture Muscle tension Sensations and impulses The nervous system doesn’t speak in words. It speaks in rhythm. Heat. Shaking. Tears. Stillness. Tingling. And when we bring curiosity and compassionate attention to those body signals, healing begins. We don’t push the protectors away. We invite them into the light and ask: “What are you trying to protect me from?” “Is that still true now?” “What do you need from me?” This is somatic shadow work. Not about fixing. About witnessing. Validating. Reclaiming what was exiled. Because you are the medicine. And your body knows the way. The Body Remembers: Why Somatic Healing Works In The Body Keeps the Score, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk reminds us: trauma is not just a memory. It’s a physiological imprint. The body doesn’t forget. But it can learn to feel safe again. With the right conditions: Co-regulation (a safe, attuned presence) Choice (the opposite of trauma) Embodied practices (not just talk, but movement) This is where Soma Yoga, TCTSY (Trauma Center Trauma Sensitive Yoga), and somatic rituals come in. These are not about perfect poses or pushing through pain. These are about listening. Feeling. Releasing. Reclaiming. They help us: Shift from sympathetic overdrive or dorsal shutdown to ventral safety Release chronic tension and stored stress Increase vagal tone and resilience Repattern our relationship with power, play,  presence, and pleasure This is the body completing what was once interrupted. This is the nervous system remembering: I am safe enough now. Heart Coherence & Returning to Wholeness When the body feels safe, the heart can open. The HeartMath Institute shows us that when our heart rhythms are coherent with brain waves, we experience: Better emotional regulation Increased clarity and connection A felt sense of purpose and peace Ancient traditions always knew this. They spoke of the heart as the seat of the soul. Now neuroscience echoes their wisdom. And this is what embodiment makes possible: To return to the heart. To become attuned to something deeper than fear. To feel yourSelf, lead yourSelf, be yourSelf. Embodiment as Rebellion In a world that profits off your disconnection, coming back to your body is a radical act. It is spiritual. It is political. It is ancestral. It is feminine. And it is necessary. Because when we heal in the body— We stop the cycle. We disrupt the story. We remember who we were before the world told us who to be. This is the revolution. Not out there. In here. In the flesh. In the breath. In the trembling. In the choosing. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present. Your body is not a problem to fix. It is a portal home.  Ready to reconnect with your body and reclaim your Self-leadership? Join Soma Heal — my online studio for nervous system-based practices, Soma Yoga, and somatic rituals. CLICK HERE to start your 7-day free trial. You are the medicine. Let’s return home—together..

Zapraszając ciało do coachingu: potęga integracyjnego coachingu somatycznego

what the heck does somatic mean anyway? The word somatic comes from the Greek word soma meaning the body.  The term “somatics” was first coined by Thomas Hannah in the 1970’s, however long before this kind of mind-body work cam about in the “west”, ancient and indigenous lineages have long known about it and it’s importance. So I would like to just pause here for a moment and recognize that somatics are heavily influence by eastern, indigenous, and shamanic cultures but often over looked, culturally-appropriated and not given their proper credit.  So from a social justice, anti-racist, and trauma-informed point of view you could say that the term somatics is the product of white washing and colonization.  The idea of the embodiment is nothing new. Our ancestors have been dancing, singing, connecting, growing, and healing through different mind-body-spirit rituals since we were expressing ourselves through drawings in caves. It all changed around the time Decartes said “I think therefor I am”, and the mind and brain sat up on a pedestal. We started to disregard the body as a tool or machine, and the spirit was thrown away along with it. Welcome to the era of disembodiment. Today there isn’t just one but many different somatic frameworks, lineages, and modalities, and even though they are different they all agree in the importance of including the body in our life and connecting to all of it’s inherent wisdom, intuition, and instinct. In general, somatics is the study and practice of the mind and body working together to enhance the human experience though inner dialogue with the emergent wisdom and implicit cellular memory, meaning unconscious body memories. It’s a process of self discovery, self awareness, and cultivating the sense of interception, in other words learning to speak the language of the body from the inside out.  zooming out From a holistic perspective, our soma includes not just our animal body, but also our mind, and perhaps even the spirit. So the soma isn’t just the biological body, it is the whole, complex, living organism. This includes the conscious and unconscious mind and all of its thoughts, beliefs, internal narratives, imagery, and symbols, as well as the body’s sensations, feelings, emotions, and nervous system states. The thing is, our soma doesn’t live in a vacuum. We are biopsychosocial beings, meaning besides the biology and psychology, there is also the in between relational world. And so all of these things and our life experiences literally “shape” us, the shape of our body, our actions and non actions, our relationship to our Self, to other people, to the world around us. And so this somatic shape of ours also holds our learned behaviours, automatic embodied habits, relational strategies, societal “norms”, masks, survival roles, protective parts, younger child parts, and many different adaptive patterns living and running our life from the shadows. If we were to zoom out a bit more we might recognise that besides the obvious impact of family dynamics and other close relationships on our soma, there are also the cultural and collective layers. So depending on where we are born we may inherit certain beliefs, norms and traditions.  If we zoom out even more we might recognize how somatics also invite us to look at the impact of systems and institutions that operate in our westernized dominant culture. And depending on what you look life, your ability, your skin color, your income, your gender, your sexual orientation, you will have less privilege and be set up to suffer more injustice and oppression. And if again we zoom even further out we are invited to look at the collective, environmental and perhaps even spiritual landscapes. Here we might see that our soma is also shaped by our ancestors, all their lived experiences, and the history of the culture we were raised in (intergenerational trauma and resilience). We could also see that our relationship to the planet, nature, the animals and plants also reflects in how we are shaped. After all we are made from the same stuff as all other living beings on this planet, and yet many of us forget and treat nature as something to conquer and dominate. And if this is in your belief, our soma to many people is also tied into the energetic, ethereal and spiritual realms, but that’s a whole other long topic. set up your free discovery call! inviting the body into coaching Most coaching out there centres around mindset, beliefs and story but understanding something alone often isn’t enough to create embodied transformation.   Somatic approaches are gaining popularity over the last 15 years because they can bring about positive transformation more quickly – via the nervous system.  A whopping 80% of the information that travels to the brain comes from the body via the vagus nerve and only 20% of the information travels from the brain to the body. Much of the western world has become disembodied, putting the mind on a pedestal, but when were disconnected from our body, we lose out on important information , which is sent from the body to our conscious mind.  Neuroscience studies have shown that the brain and body are interwoven – we cannot change one without the other. Ancient and indigenous traditions have always understood the importance of inner work, the transformational potential of repetitive movement on the body and the impact it has on the mind.  The good news is through neroplasticity we can reprogram the brain, rewire the nervous system and reshape the body, not only during the activity but in all areas of our life. This is embodied transformation, When we are using our felt sense, parts of the brain responsible for emotional processing, self-awareness, and interception (inner felt sense) come online, which means we tap into the possibility of embodied transformation of neurophysiological, emotional, and postural patterns. When we work only cognitively (with story, mindset, beliefs and other content) this isn’t possible. my approach to somatic coaching My personal approach to Somatic Coaching is trauma-informed and integrative, which means I do not…
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