healing journey Archives - Spiritual Bish

STOP Telling People To Regulate Their F*cking Nervous System!

7 listopad, 2025

When Calm Becomes the New Colonizer
(A somatic love letter to the misunderstood nervous system)

Let’s be honest — the phrase “just regulate your nervous system” has become the new spiritual gold standard.
But regulate into what, and for whose comfort?

When “calm” becomes the only acceptable nervous system state, we start worshipping stillness and banishing aliveness.
We silence rage, grief, and trembling — the very expressions that are trying to complete the body’s stress cycle.

The nervous system was never designed to stay calm.
It was designed to move.
To pulse, to shake, to cry, to roar.

True regulation isn’t control — it’s capacity.
It’s the ability to flow between activation and rest without losing connection to yourself or the world.

And yet, most of us have learned to shut that flow down.
Through cognitive override.
Cultural conditioning.
Over-coping.
“Good vibes only.”

When calm becomes compliance, healing becomes performance.
And we lose touch with the wild, intelligent organism that knows exactly how to complete what never got to.

Your Body Is Not Broken: Somatic Healing in Late Stage Capitalism

26 sierpień, 2025

Capitalism whispers: “Your worth = your productivity.” Patriarchy whispers: “Dominate. Extract. Obey.” And your body? Your body whispers something else entirely— but it’s harder to hear in a world that profits from your disconnection. How Capitalism Shapes Us Before We’re Even Born Capitalism and socio-economic pressures shape us before we even take our first breath. For tens of thousands of years, humans lived in small, connected tribes—where the whole village raised the children. Today, most parents are left isolated, drowning in financial stress, forced to succeed in the rat race just to survive. And here’s the truth: capitalism doesn’t just shape culture “out there.” It literally wires into our nervous systems “in here.” A caretaker’s ability to regulate their own nervous system teaches a baby’s system how to regulate. But when parents are overworked, under-supported, and chronically stressed about money, survival, and productivity—this regulation becomes nearly impossible. The baby feels this. The baby absorbs this. And it shapes brain development, the immune system, emotional regulation, and even how that child will one day relate to others and to themselves. Trauma Isn’t Always “One Big Event” We often think of trauma as abuse or catastrophic events, but it can also be the invisible, repeated stresses of disconnection—the moments of neglect, emotional absence, or relational rupture that layer over time. This is complex trauma. It teaches the nervous system: The world is unsafe. My needs are too much. I must perform or please to belong. I am inherently bad, wrong, or broken. This is how systems like capitalism, patriarchy, consumerism, and colonialism live inside us. They thrive when we are sick, exhausted, disconnected, and ashamed—because then we are easier to control. The Weight of the Shadow Every expectation. Every “should.” Every silenced impulse. Every swallowed truth. Every unshed tear. They don’t just vanish. They live in the body— in fascia, in gut, in posture, in jaw. They live in the parts of us carrying internalized beliefs and survival strategies. This is why the grind feels endless. This is why shame feels like home. This is why collapse feels like rest. Not because you are broken— but because your body is adapting to survive a culture that constantly overrides its wisdom. The Wound of Disconnection Most of the crises we face today—burnout, climate collapse, polarization, violence—stem from one root wound: disconnection. From our bodies. From each other. From the Earth. And yet: you are already whole. You belong simply because you exist. We are not separate. We are interwoven—like the mycelium networks in the forest, built on mutual care, reciprocity, and support. People aren’t the problem. The systems are. And not every body has the same privilege or access to resources. Which is why creating safe-enough spaces—for rest, play, expression, truth—is not a luxury, it’s a birthright. How the System Lives in Your Soma Capitalism isn’t just an external system. It literally shapes us from the inside out: Muscles contract. Jaws clench. Stress loops repeat. Inflammation builds. Survival becomes the baseline. Collapse feels like rest. Pleasure feels unsafe. Connection feels dangerous. Toxic shame feels familiar. We disconnect from the body’s signals, the mind speeds up to “fix” it, and we end up in the disembodiment loop. This is the somatic shadow—the invisible baggage of systems we didn’t choose but still carry in our tissues. The Polycrisis in the Body The planetary polycrisis—climate collapse, war, mass burnout, rising polarization— isn’t separate from our personal crises. They live in the same nervous system. Humans are apex predators who forgot they are also mammals—wired for connection, community, and reciprocity. When our needs for safety, belonging, and dignity are unmet, survival mode takes over: me vs. you, us vs. them, dominate or be dominated. This is why we are sick. This is why the Earth is sick. Because the same extractive logic lives in our bodies. Somatic Healing: Embodied Liberation Here’s the thing: your body isn’t broken. It’s adapting. Protecting. Communicating. Somatic healing is not about fixing yourself or buying another “self-improvement” solution the system profits from. It’s about remembering. It’s about listening. It’s about slowly meeting the parts of you that learned to collapse, to hustle, to numb, to hide— and welcoming them back home with compassion. This is embodied liberation. This is shadow integration. This is how we stop blaming ourselves for what systems have written into our bodies—and reclaim self-trust, choice, agency, power. When we resource enough safety, the body knows how to complete the stress cycle. It shakes. It cries. It softens. It finds rhythm again. It remembers connection. And in remembering— we reclaim what capitalism wants us to forget: our humanity. Our aliveness. Our interdependence. Somatic Shadow Work Prompts Pause here. Notice which line landed in your body. Drop a word, image, or sensation in your journal. Here are some prompts to deepen the practice: If capitalism or patriarchy had a shape or texture inside me, what would it be? Where does my body feel pulled to contract, hustle, or hide? If my nervous system could speak right now, what would it say? What small act of softness—or rebellion—does my body long for? What conditions would help my body feel safe enough to connect to its own wisdom? What parts of me need more space, rest, play, movement, connection, or pleasure? Imagine your embodied transformation rippling out into the collective—what shifts? Coming Back Into Wholeness Your body is not a machine to optimize. It is a piece of Earth. It remembers rhythms, cycles, seasons. When we feel safe enough in our own skin, we access: Gut instincts + primal impulses. Compassion + inherent worth. The deep interconnection of all life. Somatic healing isn’t just individual—it’s collective. It’s shining light on the shadow of systems. It’s remembering what our ancestors knew: healing is communal, ecological, embodied. This is what it…
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You Can’t Outsmart Your Nervous System: The Power of Feeling, Moving, and Befriending Your Emotions

20 grudzień, 2024

Emotions: Your Body’s Inner Compass

Emotions are energy in motion—e-motion—designed to flow naturally through your body. They’re not problems to fix or weaknesses to overcome; they’re your body’s way of communicating its needs, signaling safety or threat, and helping you process the world.

Even emotions like anger, sadness, grief, or shame—often labeled as “bad” or “unacceptable”—aren’t flaws. They’re evolutionary tools meant to guide and protect you. The challenge arises when we interrupt this natural flow, either by overthinking or suppressing them, leaving emotions stuck in the body.

Why Humans Are Stuck in Their Heads

For most of human history, humans lived in small, tight-knit communities. Like other mammals, we’re wired for connection and belonging—this wasn’t just a luxury; it was key to survival. Being part of a group ensured safety, resources, and emotional support. Feeling seen, understood, and cared for regulated our nervous systems and helped us thrive.

But as we shifted away from communal living during the agricultural revolution, hyper-individualism and isolation replaced connection and cooperation. Productivity, ownership, and competition took center stage, pulling us away from the natural rhythms of life and into a state of constant doing.

This shift disrupted more than our social fabric—it rewired our nervous systems. When connection is absent, our body perceives it as danger. As Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal Theory explains, social connection activates the ventral vagal system, which supports calm, safety, and compassion. Without it, we default to survival states like fight, flight, freeze, fawn,, or shutdown, cutting ourselves off from others and even from ourselves.

Your Body Remembers What Your Mind Can’t: Implicit Memories and Somatic Healing

2 grudzień, 2024

When it comes to stress and trauma, your body is like that friend who remembers every awkward detail about the time you tripped in high school—except it doesn’t just remember the moments; it stores them. Whether it’s a knot in your stomach when someone raises their voice or a sudden freeze when you’re overwhelmed, your body holds onto experiences, even when your brain decides to hit the “forget” button. Your brain is like that overprotective friend who means well but ends up creating chaos. It’s always either reliving the past—“Remember that embarrassing thing you said in 2008? Let’s cringe about it for hours!”—or trying to predict the future—“What if everything goes wrong? Let’s panic just in case!” This isn’t malicious. Your brain is just doing its job: protecting you. It’s scanning for threats, thanks to its trusty negativity bias, which is like having a personal alarm system set to “paranoia.” It remembers all the bad stuff to keep you safe and adapts to the environment around you. But here’s the catch: instead of hanging out in the real world, your brain often keeps you stuck in a virtual reality of worst-case scenarios and past disasters. Meanwhile, your body is over here like, “Hey, I’m in the present moment! Wanna join me?” When the brain and body stop communicating, though, it’s bad news. Research shows that this disconnection can lead to chronic stress, emotional dysregulation, and even physical health issues like inflammation and heart disease (Van der Kolk, 2014; Chrousos, 2009). The brain might be busy replaying past failures or imagining future catastrophes, but without feedback from the body, it can’t accurately gauge what’s happening right now. That’s like trying to navigate with a broken GPS—it’s just guesswork. The thing is, your body is your true bestie(even though in all reality our brain is part of our body too lol). It’s always working to help you survive, adapt, and even thrive. But if your mind is running the show solo, you end up disconnected from your body’s wisdom, stuck in a loop of overthinking, and missing what’s actually happening right now. To sum it up: Your brain’s a bit of a drama queen, but your body? Total grounding MVP. And when they’re on speaking terms, magic happens—you heal, grow, and actually enjoy the ride. Now to the topic of trauma, which thanks to new science isnt viewed as just the experience but what happens inside of us as a result. From the perspective of psychobiology trauma is an interrupted stress response and all the creative ways we adapt to protect ourselves as a result of the wound that happened. So it’s not like they used to think that trauma is just a psychological wound, it doesn’t just live in our memories, sometimes we actually have no memory or words for what happened; it’s imprinted in our posture, movements, physiological responses, and the way we perceive ourselves and navigate the world. Chronic stress or early attachment wounds—like inconsistent care, abuse or chronic emotional misattunemets—shape how we hold ourselves. Leaning forward might signal a drive to please or seek connection, collapsing inward could reflect defeat or helplessness, while moving against others, with a rigid, defensive posture, may guard against harm. These patterns are not flaws—they’re adaptations your body developed to keep you safe in the moment – only what was helpful back then often becomes the root of our issues as adults. So the process of soamtic healing is finding ways to let the body, the nervous system, know that right now we are safe enough. When the body does not feel safe aka survival mode, we cannot fully take in new information, experience, connect socially, or engage in life in adaptive ways , only reacting in protective ways – survival comes first. The Body as a Keeper of Memory This is why early life adversity leaves such a profound mark. Our baby nervous system is constantly scanning the enviroment, learning, and adapting all In the name of survival. The memories might not live in your conscious mind, but they exist in your body as implicit memories (and subconscious)—the unspoken sensations, automatic reactions, imagery, and emotions that pop up seemingly out of nowhere. As Dr. Pat Ogden says: “The body remembers what the mind forgets.” A traumatic event—especially in early childhood—signals your brain’s alarm system (the amygdala) floods your body with stress hormones, while the rational thinking brain (prefrontal cortex) is not yet fully developed to help you process what’s happening. In infancy and early childhood, the hippocampus is still maturing, which means it cannot effectively organize experiences into cohesive narratives. Instead, these experiences are stored as fragmented bits—sensations, images, or physical reactions—without clear context or a sense of time. As the brain develops later in life, traumatic experiences may still overwhelm the hippocampus, especially if the nervous system is already dysregulated from earlier stress or attachment disruptions. This can result in a similar fragmented storage of memories, with emotions and body sensations remaining disconnected from the conscious, logical understanding of events. It’s also crucial to acknowledge how our identity, privilege, and intersections with systemic oppression influence the ways trauma impacts us. Factors like race, gender, class, disability, and sexual orientation shape both the types of traumatic experiences we might face and the resources available to us for healing.As humans we all have the same needs of physical resources like food, water, and shelter, but we also all need to feel safety, belonging, and dignity and unfortunately these resources are not distributed equally. For individuals from marginalized communities, trauma is often not a singular event but an ongoing experience rooted in systemic inequalities, discrimination, and generational oppression. The chronic nature of this trauma can keep the nervous system in a persistent state of survival, further complicating the healing process. Recognizing these dynamics ensures that trauma-informed care is inclusive, equitable, and responsive to the diverse ways trauma shows up in our bodies and lives. These body-based memories linger, influencing how you respond to…
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THE SHADOW SIDE OF SELF-CARE… АКА ТОХІС ENTITLEMENT

19 wrzesień, 2024

We all know the importance of self-care, especially in our dominant culture that tends to push us towards constant productivity + external rewards, often leaving us feeling guilty to slow down, rest, feel pleasure and take time for ourselves… BUT IS THERE A FLIP SIDE TO THIS? When we see ourselves as Separate, it can be natural to feel threatened by “others” and to focus on only “me and my healing” which can sometimes move from helpful, towards the shadow side of hyper-individualism, ego inflation, and toxic entitlement. This isn’t something “bad” or evil, it’s how we adapted and once LEARNED to protect ourselves. it makes so much sense. And at the same time, if want to truly feel safe, connecting to our body, nature, other humans, and feeling that we BELONG here is necessary. as mammals we are wired for survival through connection. So once we start to feel safe enough in our body, it could be supportive to start to remember our INTERCONNECTEDNESS with all life or like Pando which is the worlds largest living organism with an estimated 47,000 stems that appear as individual trees, but are connected by a root system that spans 106 acres. each of its stems has the same genes and it’s huge interconnected root system coordinates energy production, defense and regeneration. Collectively we have forgotten what our ancestors have always known, we are not seperate but part of this larger ecosystem web of life. Feeling seperate is the source of our pain, fears, and urge to dominate and control as a species, realizing our interconnectedness with all of life can be a path towards collective healing and a hope for a brighter future for ALL. If forest ecosystems can thrive based on cooperation and support, why can’t we humans do the same?

relationships are HARD…AND can also be an opportunity to heal our deepest wounds

5 wrzesień, 2024

Intimate relationships can be a sacred portal into healing these past emotional wounds of our younger self aka the inner child.

o połączeniu umysłu i ciała, i dlaczego jest to ważne na każdym poziomie

12 styczeń, 2024

The body-mind connection is powerful and it’s actually the link between your thoughts and your feelings and emotions, shaping how you think, feel, emote, sense and act. It’s like a constant exchange of info between your mind and body- not that they are separate anyway =) I’m sure you’ve noticed that physical state often if not always affects your thoughts, and your thoughts can impact how you feel. For instance, changing your posture from a contracted position to a more open and expansive one can actually boost your confidence and shift your mindset. It’s a two-way street. “if you don’t know how to say no, your body will say it for you through physical illnesses.” Understanding how our thoughts and emotions affect our body is crucial. More and more, people recognize that our mental well-being can deeply influence our physical health. Experts like Dr. Gabor Maté support this idea, shedding light on the vital mind-body connection. how they communicate Your mind and body talk to each other in two ways: the body sends messages to the brain, and the brain sends messages to the body. This chatting involves chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters, and it also happens through the Vagus Nerve. About 80% of the messages going up to your brain come from the body! emotions adjust not only our mental, but also our bodily states. this image is from a 2013 study that focused on where people experience different emotions in the body. This research constituted the first “map” that illustrated how our emotions and our body are linked through sensations. You can learn more in the video below. body-mind integration “The goal of mind-body techniques is to regulate the stress response system so that balance and equilibrium can be maintained and sustained, to restore prefrontal cortex activity, to decrease amygdala activity, and to restore the normal activity of the HPA axis and locus ceruleus-sympathetic nervous system” (Selhub, 2007, p. 5) In other words, integrating the body + mind makes us more present, regulated, feeling safe and whole. Sensitivity as a superpower 🦸‍♀️ Most of us are living in this disembodied capitalist culture that actually rewards us for being disconnected from our body and from our feelings deeming it as “strong” and “keeping it together” , because this numbing and suppressing is what allows us to be more “productive”. But it takes true strength and courage to show up as your most authentic and vulnerable Self, showing that soft under belly as opposed to all the masks and armour we may wear. And it makes sense that our genius body-mind may adapted this way to self-protect if we’ve been hurt in the past, but the truth is not feeing and expressing our true feelings doesnt mean that they go away – they live on inside of us and keep on building up like a pressure cooker, impacting our whole system and down the line can actually contribute to increased stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil to name a few. Embracing our emotions and feelings is an act of self-love and it’s exactly what these exiled vulnerable parts of us may actually need – to be seen, heard, acknowledged and validated – and until this happens, this unconscious shadow aspect of our ✨Self✨ will continue pulling our strings behind the curtains. ✨it’s important to know that if we’ve disconnected from feeling, there’s a good reason behind it and most often it’s to stay safe. A trauma-informed approach to this reconnection is to go SLOW and be gentle, because we’re not going for overwhelm here ♥️✨ overwhelm in our nervous system is how trauma happens. So it’s not about jumping head on, “sucking it up”, getting rid of, or quickly fixing these vulnerable parts of us but becoming WHOLE – or realising that you always have been whole in the first place- by coming home to your Self and gently shining our light of awareness on them, feeling into what it is they are actually communicating and need in this moment- that is integration. This is why working with the wisdom of the soma (body-mind) and ✨all our inner parts✨ is important, it’s a sacred portal into deeper insight, wellbeing, and embodied transformation ♥️ So the next time you notice you are feeling all the feels perhaps ask yourself: what are these feelings telling me? Does this emotion feel familiar? What does this part if me need in this moment? And maybe all it needs is a little sacred pause to just be with it, as it is, however it is ♥️ and if it feels authentic, maybe take a moment to celebrate yourSelf for feeling safe enough to notice and express this feeling in the first place! That’s big stuff <3 ancient wisdom meets modern science Science is just catching up to these ancient truths, that the body-mind connection is important on many levels, not only in physical and mental health but also the spiritual. Here’s some ways you can integrate and strengthen this connection: Embodiment practices Somatic coaching mindful yoga Shadow work Somatic parts work Embodied mindfulness Trauma sensitive yoga (TCTSY) intuitive movement sensual dance qui gong yoga nidra learning about your nervous system states spending time in nature creative expression “only you know what’s best for you” If you’re feeling called to start exploring the wisdom of your soma (body-mind) with my guidance and support, contact me HERE to learn about my 1:1 trauma-informed somatic coaching container for women or HERE to get your free consultation about TCTSY, the world’s only scientifically validated trauma healing model of yoga.

Czym jest złożona trauma?

4 grudzień, 2023

This text is about complex trauma, also known as developmental trauma or C-PTSD, it’s relational aspect and how it differers from the diagnosis of PTSD. I’ll also share a bit about my own process of healing and how I personally view it. what is trauma anyway? Depending on where you are in the world and who you ask, the definitions will vary. The view that I follow is the one that many of the world’s leading body-mind and trauma specialists have, which is that trauma is not in the event, but it’s what happens inside the body as a result, and if there wasn’t a caring empathetic other to help support us through it. I particularly like the way Dr. Albert Wong describes trauma in this article here in Psychology Today saying, “Trauma impacts much more than just our thoughts and actions. Trauma is far-reaching and systemic—it cuts us to our bones. It can dissolve our sense of identity, diminish our capacity to locate ourselves accurately in time and space, inhibit our tolerance for interpersonal relatedness, disrupt the coherence of our experience, impair our capacity for emotional regulation, and so much more.Trauma impacts much more than just our prefrontal cortex or our behavioral activation system. It impacts our whole being—and it must be treated from a whole being perspective. Importantly, any legitimate trauma treatment must consider all of our being—the entirety of our body-mind—not just our thoughts and behaviors, alone… A tidal change in our zeitgeist is slowly emerging. The importance of the body—and the felt experience therein, once again, is starting to rise.” Things that can cause trauma are big horrific events like war, accidents, natural disasters, operations, the death or loss of a loved one, assault, or sexual, physical and emotional abuse- it can be traumatic to go through it personally and we can also be impacted by trauma if it happens to someone we love. The truth is we are all complex, multi-layered, living beings and since we are all different, trauma and its impacts will also vary and depend on many factors. Two people can live through the same catastrophe and be effected differenty, one will bounce back quckly, and the other may suffer debilitating symptoms. Why, you may be wondering? IT’s not just the event, but our nervous system’s internal reaction to it. When something is too much, too fast too soon, or too little too late, is another way that trauma is often described. This will drastically vary from individual to individual, and according to the CDC ( Center for Disease Control and Prevention from the US) here’s some added layers that might contribute: generational embodiment/ historical trauma, social conditions/local context, and adverse childhood experiences which lead to disrupted neurodevelopment and social, emotional & cognitive impairment to name a few). Confusion of different names and diagnosis of trauma PTSD was the first official diagnosis of trauma and came about from American war Veterans. Before that, it was thought that it was a kind of mental weakness and that it just something made up, the said “it’s all in your head”. The diagnosis of PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder) consists of 3 main symptom clusters: re-experiencing of the trauma (for example nightmares, flashbacks), avoidance of reminders of trauma-related stimuli (for example places that reminded the person of the event, talking about the experience) and hypervigilance (for example easy startle, excessive attention to potential threat). In the US, the DSM has since that first 1980 diagnosis expanded the symptom profile to include 20 symptoms, 4 clusters and dissociation. According to Cambridge, “One consequence of this expansion has been that the possible symptom combinations allow for 636 120 ways to be diagnosed with DSM-5 PTSD, leading to potential complications in assessment and treatment planning.” In the US there have been efforts to make trauma less about symptoms and more about encompassing the totality of the pain and suffering of the human experience by creating new diagnosis like “developmental trauma” and complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), but at least in the US its complicated because of how the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) functions – if you don’t know what the problem is, follow the money and who is funding what, cough big Pharma cough. Besides the diagnosis of PTSD since 2018, the eleventh revision of the IDC-11 ( International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems) that is used here in Europe where I live, has added a new diagnosis of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder). Well actually it may seem new, but decades ago Judith Herman was talking about the impact of chronic relational power dynamics and trauma in her research and her 1992 book Trauma and Recovery. Herman worked with mostly child and women survivors of abuse and atrocities that were relational and chronic in nature, before her trauma was mostly a diagnosis reserved for male Veterans. In The British Journal of Psychiatry Marylène Cloitre explains, “a long history of clinical observation that individuals who experienced chronic, repeated and prolonged traumas, such as childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence, tended to experience more complex reactions extending beyond those typically observed in PTSD”. According to the IDC-11 C-PTSD “ includes the three core elements of PTSD as well as three additional elements called disturbances in self-organisation that are pervasive and occur across various contexts: emotion regulation difficulties (for example problems calming down), negative self-concept (for example beliefs about self as worthless or a failure) and relationship difficulties (for example avoidance of relationships).” Some examples of complex trauma (C-PTSD) could include: • Childhood abuse or neglect • Domestic violence/sexual assault • Human trafficking • War or political conflict • Being chronically misgendered Recognising this is a step forward, at least in Europe, however there is still a big elephant in the room. Mainly, these diagnosis are mostly focused on “getting rid of the symptoms”, not on looking at and understanding the whole person- are the symptoms the problem or…
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Przestań upokarzać swój wstyd!

9 listopad, 2023

Often times feelings of shame and trauma can be intertwined so it would make sense that if we feel shame, we might want to get rid of it, perceiving it as something “bad”. But does this vilifying and shaming actually get rid of shame? We live in a culture that is obsessed with self-improvement and productivity which can often promote this ill treatment of parts of ourselves. When we are constantly being bombarded with “5 ways to get healthy” or “ do this to optimise your wellbeing”, it could be hard to not feel like you’re doing something wrong. As a person with complex trauma who grew up with parents who had their own unresolved wounds and trauma, I’ve always had a way of being that was really harsh on myself. But as I move forward on this 17th year of my healing journey, I’m able to be more and more compassionate, kind and curious to myself and yes, even to all those pesky parts of me which I always hated. From my own experience and from folks I’ve worked with I found that it is quite common to want to get rid of these shameful parts in hopes that it will bring some sort of resolution, perhaps resulting in more self-love, trauma resolution or healing and/or transforming deeply ingrained patterns, behaviors, strategies or conditioned tendencies. Then there’s those of us who might rather just pretend we don’t have any shame, detaching from our body so we don’t have to feel any of it. Either way, this kind of approach usually just continues the spiral of inner chaos and shaming the shame like a dog chasing it’s own tail. If we look at this from a somatic trauma-informed lense, what could sometimes happen is that trauma freezes these wounded parts of us in the past. And these frozen often times younger parts of us hold on to beliefs ( I am broken, It is always my fault) and emotions ( shame, fear, grief, unworthiness). It is quite normal that we don’t want to feel this pain of the past, so our soma ( nervous system and body-mind as a living organism) does it’s job of self-protection and works hard to keep all those parts hidden or exiled. This is where we might avoid by distracting ourselves with work or other “busyness”, ignore, numb out and detach from feeling our body, or shame ourselves – cue the inner critic or perfectionist part- which has become quite a prevalent way of being in our modern industrialised “western” world. We may think that by exiling these parts we will finally not have to feel any pain, discomfort, or distress by avoiding overwhelming emotions, bodily sensations, memories or beliefs. But the truth is this won’t make it all go away, it all just gets suppressed and thrown into a pressure cooker inside us just waiting to explode like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Healing and transformation only come once we start to acknowledge, accept, validate and love all those parts that we keep locked away in the basement. This is integration and the process of whole-ing! It’s kind of like having a little puppy, it may try to get your attention by chewing on your shoe or barking at you a million times until you notice them and play with them. These younger parts that live inside us are just like that puppy, just waiting to be seen, heard, and witnessed. Thanks to studies on conscious and love-centred parenting and we now know that scolding and other fear-based coercive punishing of children (and puppies) only increases levels of fear and anxiety, so why would we want to repeat the same thing to ourselves? In my own personal somatic parts practice as well as while working with clients, I have adopted the belief that “there are no bad parts” and that they all have wisdom. Which comes from a humanist perspective as well ad the Internal Family Systems framework conceptualised by Dr. Richard Swartz. Through somatic awareness, sensing and feeling, and embodiment insight and integration we can learn to listen to and separate all these parts of ourselves from our Highest Self or Self energy, and this concept actually which actually originates from ancient and indigenous traditions like Buddhism and Yoga. It can be counterintuitive to view these exiled parts that are perhaps “lazy”, “unhealthy”, or even “self-destructive” ( like the shamed parts, the critical part, the addictive part, the people pleaser part) as wise, but have you ever considered that they may have been helpful, or maybe even saved your life, at some point? It makes sense that we may hate them if they have caused us suffering and destruction, but often times they came into being to help us survive a difficult expereience(s) and have good intentions. When our basic human needs of safety, belonging and dignity aren’t being met, our genius nervous system figures out ways to adapt so we can get those needs met! I used to really hate my inner critic. I viewed it as my mothers voice, that was mean, aggressive, constantly pushing me harder and judging me. I can see now that originally this critical part was meant for good, as a first generation Polish-American immigrant I wanted to make my parents proud. I thought that if I only worked hard enough, got the best grades and became totally perfect, finally my parents and everyone around me would accept me and I wouldn’t feel so alone. We moved around a lot and I went through 3 schools in the first five years of elementary school. My parents were constantly at work trying to make sure I had a better future, and I was left feeling all alone and like I didn’t belong anywhere. Of course this inner critic part came into existence, it wanted to help feel belonging, worthy and safe! Over time this critical part started to make me more and more anxious,…
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The Sister Wound, czyli jak możemy zacząć uzdrawiać ranę która być może odczuwamy w relacji z innymi kobietami

20 maj, 2023

Sister, woman, goddess who knows, we don’t have to compete with each other. We don’t have to mistrust or envy each other. This is not our natural state.In the past, women often came together to create, celebrate, and experience difficult moments together. We didn’t destroy each other. Women gathered at the well, by the fire, in tents, ate together at tables, or gathered in nature, creating magical healing experiences where they listened to each other and drew wisdom from each other. Women began to grow stronger, more expressive. Unfortunately, the history of witch hunts and patriarchal oppression took that away from us. You might be thinking, why were witches hunted in Europe and early colonies? Simply because they were women and dared to come together in community. There is nothing more dangerous to a system and people who want to rule than individuals who are aware of their power. The witch hunts (along with the genocide of indigenous peoples during colonialism) were attempts to halt the development, healing, and empowerment of women (and indigenous peoples) in groups. This collaboration and power threatened the patriarchal structure that kept them powerless. And so, millions of women (and indigenous peoples) were killed over the years for being “witches,” “shamans,” and “devils.” Ultimately, women stopped coming together and stopped trusting each other. And patriarchy continued, and a deep part of us probably still feels uneasy about these kinds of gatherings due to the historically associated dangers. This is called collective or intergenerational trauma. We may not consciously remember it, but much research suggests that our ancestors pass on their difficult experiences to us genetically and epigenetically. (https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/21/study-of-holocaust-survivors-finds-trauma-passed-on-to-childrens-genes) Modern media and culture often perpetuate these negative beliefs, which further hinder our community-building. By overcoming these beliefs and reclaiming sisterhood, we can heal our wounds and regain the power that has been taken from us but still resides within us. What is the sister wound? The sister wound is the pain and mistrust between women. It is the result of a patriarchal society that harms us and pits us against each other instead of uniting us. Healing the sister wound gives us the power and magic that we can reclaim. It is the last thing patriarchy wants us to focus on. By lifting and supporting each other, we counteract the system of oppression. Healing the sister wound is our rebellion against patriarchy and the key to reclaiming our power. This wound grows in darkness and isolation. To heal it, we must step into the light. By seeing each other without fear, we can heal in circles, in ceremonies, in community. This is our strength against patriarchy. Being in community is crucial for healing the sister wound. In women’s circles, we can share our shame, fears, and uncertainties, and you begin to recognize yourself in the words of other women, like in a fairy tale mirror. This circle magic happens when you hear other women, women you may perceive as “confident,” and realize that they have the same feelings, wounds, and experiences as you. “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” – Brene Brown You probably feel that these shameful parts are alive within us all the time, living in darkness and our subconscious. But they cannot be healed until we bring them into the light. By healing the parts of ourselves that live in the basement of our subconscious, we alchemize emotions, turning them into gold and transforming our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone. You probably feel that these shameful parts are alive within us all the time, living in the darkness and in our subconscious. But they cannot be healed until we bring them into the light. By healing the parts of ourselves that live in the basement of our subconscious, we alchemize emotions, turning them into gold and transforming our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone. We can support and uplift each other, allowing us to regain our power, build connections, and see women as sisters rather than competitors. Participating in women’s gatherings or circles can gradually untangle all these knots woven by patriarchy. It can have a beautiful and magical impact on your life Common examples of the sister wound include: ◦ Difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships with other women due to feelings of mistrust or jealousy. ◦ Low self-worth or lack of self-confidence, especially in social situations with other women. ◦ Tendency to unfavorably compare oneself to other women or feel threatened by their success or achievements. Three ways in which we can begin to heal the sister wound: ◦ Building awareness and understanding that competition and jealousy among women result from systemic oppression, not inherent to femininity. ◦ Practicing empathy and supporting other women, instead of comparing oneself to them or treating them as rivals. ◦ Co-creating safe spaces where you can openly discuss your experiences and feelings with other women, share emotions, and support each other in the healing process, such as women’s circles. The sister wound has deep roots, dating back to the burning of women at the stakes. However, I believe that we can break this cycle, especially in today’s times of chaos, striving for success at any cost, dominance, and polarization. Our planet needs cooperation, community, and compassion, which are all aspects of the divine feminine energy that flows within each of us (not just women). If we want our planet and the future of our children and families to be beautiful and prosperous, we must reunite. We must reclaim the right to be together with other women and create healing experiences. It’s time to stop hiding and invite girls to the table, to the circle. By overcoming these beliefs and reclaiming the sisterly bond, we can heal our wounds and regain the power that has been taken away from us but still lives within us. If you’re interested, come and co-create with us in the Women’s Circle! The next meeting is on June 3rd, click HERE.…
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