“Addiction is a complex psychophysiological process, but it has a few key components. I’d say that an addiction manifests in any behavior that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in and therefore craves, suffers negative consequences from, and has trouble giving up.” Dr. GABOR MATÉ: Usually when we think of addicts what comes to mind is a coke or heroin addict who’s throwing their whole life away just to satisfy their “dirty” little needs. There are two main views on addiction in the world today, one of the medical system of it being a brain disease therefor rendering us helpless victims and the other being the view of the legal system claiming that it is a CHOICE which is why they use punishment as a means of “rehabilitation”. But what if none of these are true?   If we go by this definition of addiction by Dr. Gabor Maté, ( a world renown retired physician & addiction/trauma specialist) I bet that anyone who took a couple minutes to honestly reflect upon their life would find that addiction doesn’t have to pertain to only substances and that they themselves may not be exempt from it either. If addiction is a choice it most certainly isn’t a conscious one and why is it that some addictions are OK and some are against the law?“Any behaviour that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in” can be not only substances like illegal and or legal drugs (like alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, pain killers and other pharmaceuticals etc)  but also things like food, sex, internet, pornography, gambling, binge watching tv shows, exercise, extreme sports, work, shopping the list goes on and on.  If you were to take a look at your life honestly, would you admit that at one point in your life or another you  have used any one or more of those things in an addictive way? Now stop and think of not WHY you did but what did these things do for you? Did they help you in numbing pain, numbing fear & anxiety, escaping from reality, relaxing, surviving, feeling pleasure, feeling loved, feeling accepted, feeling accomplished, feeling successful, feeling happy, satisfaction, releasing, fitting in, being understood,  connecting, feeing courageous, getting a buz or to in simply feeling ALIVE? Are these bad things to want or normal human needs? Addictions usually start out as a temporary solution to a problem, the consequences come after. Addiction is an attempt to change our internal state by way of external things, so let’s not ask why the addiction, but like Dr. Mate like to ask WHY THE PAIN  from which we are running away from? I know substances did all these things and more for me, but ever since I stopped using them I noticed addictive behaviours showing up in other areas of my life, which to me was a sign that it wasn’t the substances that were the issue but it was MUCH DEEPER than that. Addiction you see, isn’t the problem, it’s actually more of a symptom. No one chooses to be a an addict just for fun. It starts as the brains coping mechanism in early childhood development, helping the child to survive, not feeling PAIN and SUFFERING. “In the National Survey of Adolescents, teens who had experienced physical or sexual abuse/assault were three times more likely to report past or current substance abuse than those without a history of trauma.In surveys of adolescents receiving treatment for substance abuse, more than 70% of patients had a history of trauma exposure. This correlation is particularly strong for adolescents with PTSD. Studies indicate that up to 59% of young people with PTSD subsequently develop substance abuse problems.” The National Child Traumatic Stress Network  www.NCTSN.org) When speaking about childhood trauma we must remember that it doesn’t necessarily have to be somethings as severe as sexual or physical abuse. Things like prenatal stress, absent parents, stressed parents (we can also add to the list intergenerational trauma as well but I’m trying to not make this short text a novel! ) and other problematic parental behaviours can cause a child to feel unwanted & unloved. To a young child it’s survival depends on it’s caregivers so this can be just as stressful to the developing brain and may cause permanent changes that will show up later in life.  “The impact of stress on brain health begins in the womb. Both animal and human studies have found that prenatal maternal stress affects the brain and behavior of the offspring. Stressful life events, exposure to a natural disaster, and symptoms of maternal anxiety and depression increase the risk for the child having a range of emotional, behavioral and/or cognitive problems in later life. These include depression, anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and/or conduct disorders.“ – Prenatal stress: Effects on fetal and child brain development, AlexandraLautarescuabMichael C.CraigacVivetteGloverd A young child in nature is egocentric, it doesn’t understand why mommy and daddy have to work long days and are coming home stressed, all it knows is that it FEELS responsible for the unhappiness of the parents. This feeling of guilt changes the neurophysiology of that child forever , that’s why the biggest gift you can give to your child is your own happiness, which the child will gladly mirror. Don’t get me wrong here, im not trying to guilt shame all the parents out there. My parents did the best they could with what they had, they didn’t have a grand childhood either thats how this cycle of intergenerational trauma works. The good news is that once we are conscious of it we can change it. As a result, I ended up feeling like “the black sheep” and  “problem child”who didn’t  know how to control her emotions and that feeling of “not good enough” still haunts me today.  I moved from Poland to New York City at the age of 5 which didn’t help me in the confidence department since I hardly knew how to speak English and was thrown…
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