healing journey Archives - Spiritual Bish

Trauma Healing Yoga: release trauma from your body

May 8, 2024

The original yoga for trauma Trauma Sensitive Yoga (TCTSY) is very different than the yoga you may have seen online or experienced in a typical yoga studio. TCTSY is a somatic therapy for folkx living with traumatic body memories, in the presence of someone who understands what it’s like and supports them in coming home to themselves and befriending their body without judgement or shame. There are no hidden agendas, goals, pressure to perform, should’s, must’s, can’ts, or dogma, and it centres around the knowing that: YOU ARE THE EXPERT OF YOUR EXPERIENCE. Which means that your choosing is more important that doing (or not doing), and that the only teacher here is the experience of what it feels like to be in YOUR body. My only purpose is to support and accompany you in your process by facilitating TCTSY. Who is TCTSY for? TCTSY was initially developed for individuals with complex trauma (C-PTSD) and PTSD, but you do not require a formal diagnosis to participate. It is designed for anyone who has difficulties in the relationship they have with their body or identifies as having experienced trauma, whether it be physical, verbal, or sexual abuse, neglect, intergenerational or historical trauma, systemic oppression (like racism, misoginy, homophobia, transphobia), accumulated chronic stress, or any other extreme event that you feel overwhelmed your living body, mind, and nervous system. You do not have to have any prior yoga experience. TCTSY is accessible to everyone and the practice is always tailored to your individual needs. Fill out this questionnaire to set up your free consultation Wypełnij ten formularz aby umówić się na bezpłatną konsultacje You don’t have to have any experience with yoga, or be strong, flexible or able-bodied. Every body is welcome here. What happens during a TCTSY offering? Opportunities to be in your body, to notice your breath, and/or pause in stillness in the present moment. There are no physical adjustments or assists. I won’t be looking at you. I will be sitting in my chair or on my mat practicing along with you. Invitational Language -I will never tell you what to do with your body. You are in charge and the expert of how you decide to move or not move your body. Chasing not to do something is just as important as choosing to do it. Choice Making- Opportunities to make choices based on what you’re noticing or feeling(or not) in your body. I will offer different accessible options and you are welcome to choose and explore whatever works for you. Interoception – Opportunities to notice and experience your felt sense, meaning awareness of what you feel inside your body, as you are still, moving, and/or transition between shapes. Opportunities to explore the survival stress (trauma responses) that may still be alive within your body, in a safe enough environment. This may provide insight to what you might be experiencing in your body, how you you might engage your body in the process of healing, and making empowered choices that move beyond surviving towards thriving. We will not be talking about your past or making meaning of emotions, or sensations. This might be a nice change if you feel talk therapy hasn’t been bringing you the relief you are looking for. trauma-sensitive yoga is NOT psychotherapy Trauma Healing Yoga TCTSY is not psychotherapy nor does it substitute it. It is a somatic therapy which works in a completely different way- bottom-up- meaning it involves befriending the language of the body: the sensations, feelings, and stored survival stress and implicit body memory. As a trauma-sensitive yoga facilitator, I don’t diagnose mental health disorders, we don’t talk about or process past trauma. TCTSY does not require you to be in psychotherapy as it’s a stand alone treatment. It is encouraged however to have some sort of support system – like a friend, partner, therapist, coach, spiritual guide etc- as working with the body in this way can bring up to surface implicit memories, so things like sensations, images, memories or emotions may emerge. TCTSY is an approach that creates a safe and non-judgmental atmosphere and by focusing on sensations originating from the body (interoception) as a source of information for making one’s own decisions, it also allows participants to restore the connection between the mind and the body and nurture a sense of agency, which is often weakened as a result of experiencing trauma. “The constant reminders to go at your own pace and to listen to your body for what it needs and when it’s ready to turn or how far it wants to turn that was super helpful and has extended in so many other places in my life. Yoga classes I have taken other places, I have heard people say, “You can push yourself; you don’t realize what your body can do. Just push it.” I feel like that’s the kind of thing I have been doing my whole life. What is so valuable about this yoga class is that it was not about pushing yourself. It was about letting yourself get there in your own time.” Core Principles How does TCTSY have potential to be healing? The 5 core principles of TCTSY support parts of the body-mind that may have been affected by trauma. Interception invites a titrated and deliberate contact with the felt sense, choice making and invitational language support autonomy and encourage self-exploration and agency, non-coersion and shared authentic experience create a safe enough space that’s the opposite of trauma, and create relational safety and attunement, TCTSY encourages making safe and deliberate contact with the body, which supports the natural process of nervous system regulation. The vagus nerves acts as a communication system between the brain and the body and vice versa. A whopping 80% of the nerve fibres send information from the body to the brain! ( only about 20% send info from the body to the brain). When the body starts to feel safer, so does the mind. Trauma often impacts the interoceptive regions…
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the body-mind connection and why it’s important on every level

January 12, 2024

The body-mind connection is powerful and it’s actually the link between your thoughts and your feelings and emotions, shaping how you think, feel, emote, sense and act. It’s like a constant exchange of info between your mind and body- not that they are separate anyway =) I’m sure you’ve noticed that physical state often if not always affects your thoughts, and your thoughts can impact how you feel. For instance, changing your posture from a contracted position to a more open and expansive one can actually boost your confidence and shift your mindset. It’s a two-way street. “if you don’t know how to say no, your body will say it for you through physical illnesses.” Understanding how our thoughts and emotions affect our body is crucial. More and more, people recognize that our mental well-being can deeply influence our physical health. Experts like Dr. Gabor Maté support this idea, shedding light on the vital mind-body connection. how they communicate Your mind and body talk to each other in two ways: the body sends messages to the brain, and the brain sends messages to the body. This chatting involves chemicals like hormones and neurotransmitters, and it also happens through the Vagus Nerve. About 80% of the messages going up to your brain come from the body! emotions adjust not only our mental, but also our bodily states. this image is from a 2013 study that focused on where people experience different emotions in the body. This research constituted the first “map” that illustrated how our emotions and our body are linked through sensations. You can learn more in the video below. body-mind integration “The goal of mind-body techniques is to regulate the stress response system so that balance and equilibrium can be maintained and sustained, to restore prefrontal cortex activity, to decrease amygdala activity, and to restore the normal activity of the HPA axis and locus ceruleus-sympathetic nervous system” (Selhub, 2007, p. 5) In other words, integrating the body + mind makes us more present, regulated, feeling safe and whole. Sensitivity as a superpower 🦸‍♀️ Most of us are living in this disembodied capitalist culture that actually rewards us for being disconnected from our body and from our feelings deeming it as “strong” and “keeping it together” , because this numbing and suppressing is what allows us to be more “productive”. But it takes true strength and courage to show up as your most authentic and vulnerable Self, showing that soft under belly as opposed to all the masks and armour we may wear. And it makes sense that our genius body-mind may adapted this way to self-protect if we’ve been hurt in the past, but the truth is not feeing and expressing our true feelings doesnt mean that they go away – they live on inside of us and keep on building up like a pressure cooker, impacting our whole system and down the line can actually contribute to increased stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil to name a few. Embracing our emotions and feelings is an act of self-love and it’s exactly what these exiled vulnerable parts of us may actually need – to be seen, heard, acknowledged and validated – and until this happens, this unconscious shadow aspect of our ✨Self✨ will continue pulling our strings behind the curtains. ✨it’s important to know that if we’ve disconnected from feeling, there’s a good reason behind it and most often it’s to stay safe. A trauma-informed approach to this reconnection is to go SLOW and be gentle, because we’re not going for overwhelm here ♥️✨ overwhelm in our nervous system is how trauma happens. So it’s not about jumping head on, “sucking it up”, getting rid of, or quickly fixing these vulnerable parts of us but becoming WHOLE – or realising that you always have been whole in the first place- by coming home to your Self and gently shining our light of awareness on them, feeling into what it is they are actually communicating and need in this moment- that is integration. This is why working with the wisdom of the soma (body-mind) and ✨all our inner parts✨ is important, it’s a sacred portal into deeper insight, wellbeing, and embodied transformation ♥️ So the next time you notice you are feeling all the feels perhaps ask yourself: what are these feelings telling me? Does this emotion feel familiar? What does this part if me need in this moment? And maybe all it needs is a little sacred pause to just be with it, as it is, however it is ♥️ and if it feels authentic, maybe take a moment to celebrate yourSelf for feeling safe enough to notice and express this feeling in the first place! That’s big stuff <3 ancient wisdom meets modern science Science is just catching up to these ancient truths, that the body-mind connection is important on many levels, not only in physical and mental health but also the spiritual. Here’s some ways you can integrate and strengthen this connection: Embodiment practices Somatic coaching mindful yoga Shadow work Somatic parts work Embodied mindfulness Trauma sensitive yoga (TCTSY) intuitive movement sensual dance qui gong yoga nidra learning about your nervous system states spending time in nature creative expression “only you know what’s best for you” If you’re feeling called to start exploring the wisdom of your soma (body-mind) with my guidance and support, contact me HERE to learn about my 1:1 trauma-informed somatic coaching container for women or HERE to get your free consultation about TCTSY, the world’s only scientifically validated trauma healing model of yoga.

What is Complex Trauma?

December 4, 2023

This text is about complex trauma, also known as developmental trauma or C-PTSD, it’s relational aspect and how it differers from the diagnosis of PTSD. I’ll also share a bit about my own process of healing and how I personally view it. what is trauma anyway? Depending on where you are in the world and who you ask, the definitions will vary. The view that I follow is the one that many of the world’s leading body-mind and trauma specialists have, which is that trauma is not in the event, but it’s what happens inside the body as a result, and if there wasn’t a caring empathetic other to help support us through it. I particularly like the way Dr. Albert Wong describes trauma in this article here in Psychology Today saying, “Trauma impacts much more than just our thoughts and actions. Trauma is far-reaching and systemic—it cuts us to our bones. It can dissolve our sense of identity, diminish our capacity to locate ourselves accurately in time and space, inhibit our tolerance for interpersonal relatedness, disrupt the coherence of our experience, impair our capacity for emotional regulation, and so much more.Trauma impacts much more than just our prefrontal cortex or our behavioral activation system. It impacts our whole being—and it must be treated from a whole being perspective. Importantly, any legitimate trauma treatment must consider all of our being—the entirety of our body-mind—not just our thoughts and behaviors, alone… A tidal change in our zeitgeist is slowly emerging. The importance of the body—and the felt experience therein, once again, is starting to rise.” Things that can cause trauma are big horrific events like war, accidents, natural disasters, operations, the death or loss of a loved one, assault, or sexual, physical and emotional abuse- it can be traumatic to go through it personally and we can also be impacted by trauma if it happens to someone we love. The truth is we are all complex, multi-layered, living beings and since we are all different, trauma and its impacts will also vary and depend on many factors. Two people can live through the same catastrophe and be effected differenty, one will bounce back quckly, and the other may suffer debilitating symptoms. Why, you may be wondering? IT’s not just the event, but our nervous system’s internal reaction to it. When something is too much, too fast too soon, or too little too late, is another way that trauma is often described. This will drastically vary from individual to individual, and according to the CDC ( Center for Disease Control and Prevention from the US) here’s some added layers that might contribute: generational embodiment/ historical trauma, social conditions/local context, and adverse childhood experiences which lead to disrupted neurodevelopment and social, emotional & cognitive impairment to name a few). Confusion of different names and diagnosis of trauma PTSD was the first official diagnosis of trauma and came about from American war Veterans. Before that, it was thought that it was a kind of mental weakness and that it just something made up, the said “it’s all in your head”. The diagnosis of PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder) consists of 3 main symptom clusters: re-experiencing of the trauma (for example nightmares, flashbacks), avoidance of reminders of trauma-related stimuli (for example places that reminded the person of the event, talking about the experience) and hypervigilance (for example easy startle, excessive attention to potential threat). In the US, the DSM has since that first 1980 diagnosis expanded the symptom profile to include 20 symptoms, 4 clusters and dissociation. According to Cambridge, “One consequence of this expansion has been that the possible symptom combinations allow for 636 120 ways to be diagnosed with DSM-5 PTSD, leading to potential complications in assessment and treatment planning.” In the US there have been efforts to make trauma less about symptoms and more about encompassing the totality of the pain and suffering of the human experience by creating new diagnosis like “developmental trauma” and complex post traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), but at least in the US its complicated because of how the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) functions – if you don’t know what the problem is, follow the money and who is funding what, cough big Pharma cough. Besides the diagnosis of PTSD since 2018, the eleventh revision of the IDC-11 ( International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Health Problems) that is used here in Europe where I live, has added a new diagnosis of C-PTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder). Well actually it may seem new, but decades ago Judith Herman was talking about the impact of chronic relational power dynamics and trauma in her research and her 1992 book Trauma and Recovery. Herman worked with mostly child and women survivors of abuse and atrocities that were relational and chronic in nature, before her trauma was mostly a diagnosis reserved for male Veterans. In The British Journal of Psychiatry Marylène Cloitre explains, “a long history of clinical observation that individuals who experienced chronic, repeated and prolonged traumas, such as childhood sexual abuse or domestic violence, tended to experience more complex reactions extending beyond those typically observed in PTSD”. According to the IDC-11 C-PTSD “ includes the three core elements of PTSD as well as three additional elements called disturbances in self-organisation that are pervasive and occur across various contexts: emotion regulation difficulties (for example problems calming down), negative self-concept (for example beliefs about self as worthless or a failure) and relationship difficulties (for example avoidance of relationships).” Some examples of complex trauma (C-PTSD) could include: • Childhood abuse or neglect • Domestic violence/sexual assault • Human trafficking • War or political conflict • Being chronically misgendered Recognising this is a step forward, at least in Europe, however there is still a big elephant in the room. Mainly, these diagnosis are mostly focused on “getting rid of the symptoms”, not on looking at and understanding the whole person- are the symptoms the problem or…
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Stop shaming your shame!

November 9, 2023

Often times feelings of shame and trauma can be intertwined so it would make sense that if we feel shame, we might want to get rid of it, perceiving it as something “bad”. But does this vilifying and shaming actually get rid of shame? We live in a culture that is obsessed with self-improvement and productivity which can often promote this ill treatment of parts of ourselves. When we are constantly being bombarded with “5 ways to get healthy” or “ do this to optimise your wellbeing”, it could be hard to not feel like you’re doing something wrong. As a person with complex trauma who grew up with parents who had their own unresolved wounds and trauma, I’ve always had a way of being that was really harsh on myself. But as I move forward on this 17th year of my healing journey, I’m able to be more and more compassionate, kind and curious to myself and yes, even to all those pesky parts of me which I always hated. From my own experience and from folks I’ve worked with I found that it is quite common to want to get rid of these shameful parts in hopes that it will bring some sort of resolution, perhaps resulting in more self-love, trauma resolution or healing and/or transforming deeply ingrained patterns, behaviors, strategies or conditioned tendencies. Then there’s those of us who might rather just pretend we don’t have any shame, detaching from our body so we don’t have to feel any of it. Either way, this kind of approach usually just continues the spiral of inner chaos and shaming the shame like a dog chasing it’s own tail. If we look at this from a somatic trauma-informed lense, what could sometimes happen is that trauma freezes these wounded parts of us in the past. And these frozen often times younger parts of us hold on to beliefs ( I am broken, It is always my fault) and emotions ( shame, fear, grief, unworthiness). It is quite normal that we don’t want to feel this pain of the past, so our soma ( nervous system and body-mind as a living organism) does it’s job of self-protection and works hard to keep all those parts hidden or exiled. This is where we might avoid by distracting ourselves with work or other “busyness”, ignore, numb out and detach from feeling our body, or shame ourselves – cue the inner critic or perfectionist part- which has become quite a prevalent way of being in our modern industrialised “western” world. We may think that by exiling these parts we will finally not have to feel any pain, discomfort, or distress by avoiding overwhelming emotions, bodily sensations, memories or beliefs. But the truth is this won’t make it all go away, it all just gets suppressed and thrown into a pressure cooker inside us just waiting to explode like a two year old having a temper tantrum. Healing and transformation only come once we start to acknowledge, accept, validate and love all those parts that we keep locked away in the basement. This is integration and the process of whole-ing! It’s kind of like having a little puppy, it may try to get your attention by chewing on your shoe or barking at you a million times until you notice them and play with them. These younger parts that live inside us are just like that puppy, just waiting to be seen, heard, and witnessed. Thanks to studies on conscious and love-centred parenting and we now know that scolding and other fear-based coercive punishing of children (and puppies) only increases levels of fear and anxiety, so why would we want to repeat the same thing to ourselves? In my own personal somatic parts practice as well as while working with clients, I have adopted the belief that “there are no bad parts” and that they all have wisdom. Which comes from a humanist perspective as well ad the Internal Family Systems framework conceptualised by Dr. Richard Swartz. Through somatic awareness, sensing and feeling, and embodiment insight and integration we can learn to listen to and separate all these parts of ourselves from our Highest Self or Self energy, and this concept actually which actually originates from ancient and indigenous traditions like Buddhism and Yoga. It can be counterintuitive to view these exiled parts that are perhaps “lazy”, “unhealthy”, or even “self-destructive” ( like the shamed parts, the critical part, the addictive part, the people pleaser part) as wise, but have you ever considered that they may have been helpful, or maybe even saved your life, at some point? It makes sense that we may hate them if they have caused us suffering and destruction, but often times they came into being to help us survive a difficult expereience(s) and have good intentions. When our basic human needs of safety, belonging and dignity aren’t being met, our genius nervous system figures out ways to adapt so we can get those needs met! I used to really hate my inner critic. I viewed it as my mothers voice, that was mean, aggressive, constantly pushing me harder and judging me. I can see now that originally this critical part was meant for good, as a first generation Polish-American immigrant I wanted to make my parents proud. I thought that if I only worked hard enough, got the best grades and became totally perfect, finally my parents and everyone around me would accept me and I wouldn’t feel so alone. We moved around a lot and I went through 3 schools in the first five years of elementary school. My parents were constantly at work trying to make sure I had a better future, and I was left feeling all alone and like I didn’t belong anywhere. Of course this inner critic part came into existence, it wanted to help feel belonging, worthy and safe! Over time this critical part started to make me more and more anxious,…
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The Sister Wound, and how to start healing our relationships with other women

May 20, 2023

Sister, woman, goddess who knows, we don’t have to compete with each other. We don’t have to mistrust or envy each other. This is not our natural state.In the past, women often came together to create, celebrate, and experience difficult moments together. We didn’t destroy each other. Women gathered at the well, by the fire, in tents, ate together at tables, or gathered in nature, creating magical healing experiences where they listened to each other and drew wisdom from each other. Women began to grow stronger, more expressive. Unfortunately, the history of witch hunts and patriarchal oppression took that away from us. You might be thinking, why were witches hunted in Europe and early colonies? Simply because they were women and dared to come together in community. There is nothing more dangerous to a system and people who want to rule than individuals who are aware of their power. The witch hunts (along with the genocide of indigenous peoples during colonialism) were attempts to halt the development, healing, and empowerment of women (and indigenous peoples) in groups. This collaboration and power threatened the patriarchal structure that kept them powerless. And so, millions of women (and indigenous peoples) were killed over the years for being “witches,” “shamans,” and “devils.” Ultimately, women stopped coming together and stopped trusting each other. And patriarchy continued, and a deep part of us probably still feels uneasy about these kinds of gatherings due to the historically associated dangers. This is called collective or intergenerational trauma. We may not consciously remember it, but much research suggests that our ancestors pass on their difficult experiences to us genetically and epigenetically. (https://amp.theguardian.com/science/2015/aug/21/study-of-holocaust-survivors-finds-trauma-passed-on-to-childrens-genes) Modern media and culture often perpetuate these negative beliefs, which further hinder our community-building. By overcoming these beliefs and reclaiming sisterhood, we can heal our wounds and regain the power that has been taken from us but still resides within us. What is the sister wound? The sister wound is the pain and mistrust between women. It is the result of a patriarchal society that harms us and pits us against each other instead of uniting us. Healing the sister wound gives us the power and magic that we can reclaim. It is the last thing patriarchy wants us to focus on. By lifting and supporting each other, we counteract the system of oppression. Healing the sister wound is our rebellion against patriarchy and the key to reclaiming our power. This wound grows in darkness and isolation. To heal it, we must step into the light. By seeing each other without fear, we can heal in circles, in ceremonies, in community. This is our strength against patriarchy. Being in community is crucial for healing the sister wound. In women’s circles, we can share our shame, fears, and uncertainties, and you begin to recognize yourself in the words of other women, like in a fairy tale mirror. This circle magic happens when you hear other women, women you may perceive as “confident,” and realize that they have the same feelings, wounds, and experiences as you. “Shame derives its power from being unspeakable.” – Brene Brown You probably feel that these shameful parts are alive within us all the time, living in darkness and our subconscious. But they cannot be healed until we bring them into the light. By healing the parts of ourselves that live in the basement of our subconscious, we alchemize emotions, turning them into gold and transforming our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone. You probably feel that these shameful parts are alive within us all the time, living in the darkness and in our subconscious. But they cannot be healed until we bring them into the light. By healing the parts of ourselves that live in the basement of our subconscious, we alchemize emotions, turning them into gold and transforming our lives. And we don’t have to do it alone. We can support and uplift each other, allowing us to regain our power, build connections, and see women as sisters rather than competitors. Participating in women’s gatherings or circles can gradually untangle all these knots woven by patriarchy. It can have a beautiful and magical impact on your life Common examples of the sister wound include: ◦ Difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships with other women due to feelings of mistrust or jealousy. ◦ Low self-worth or lack of self-confidence, especially in social situations with other women. ◦ Tendency to unfavorably compare oneself to other women or feel threatened by their success or achievements. Three ways in which we can begin to heal the sister wound: ◦ Building awareness and understanding that competition and jealousy among women result from systemic oppression, not inherent to femininity. ◦ Practicing empathy and supporting other women, instead of comparing oneself to them or treating them as rivals. ◦ Co-creating safe spaces where you can openly discuss your experiences and feelings with other women, share emotions, and support each other in the healing process, such as women’s circles. The sister wound has deep roots, dating back to the burning of women at the stakes. However, I believe that we can break this cycle, especially in today’s times of chaos, striving for success at any cost, dominance, and polarization. Our planet needs cooperation, community, and compassion, which are all aspects of the divine feminine energy that flows within each of us (not just women). If we want our planet and the future of our children and families to be beautiful and prosperous, we must reunite. We must reclaim the right to be together with other women and create healing experiences. It’s time to stop hiding and invite girls to the table, to the circle. By overcoming these beliefs and reclaiming the sisterly bond, we can heal our wounds and regain the power that has been taken away from us but still lives within us. If you’re interested, come and co-create with us in the Women’s Circle! The next meeting is on June 3rd, click HERE.…
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10 ways to can make your yoga classes more trauma-informed

October 11, 2022

Yoga practice isn’t only about the physical yoga shapes. The word yoga comes from “yuj” in Sanskrit meaning to unite – but to unite what exactly? We know that experiencing trauma can lead to a sense of alienation and disconnection from oneself, but “ Yoga is a journey of the self, through the self to the self” as it says in the Bhagavad Gita. Unfortunately not everything that we experience in a modern yoga class aids in this higher goal of our practice, and sometimes the good intentions of yoga instructors can cause more harm than good. Anywhere that yoga is practiced, someone will likely be struggling with trauma. Teaching yoga in a trauma-informed way requires us to make some changes, gain new skills, find compassion and patience. However, starting to view the world from a trauma sensitive lens can be one of the greatest gifts we can give not only to our students but to everyone around us. Why? Because trauma informs everything and most likely everyone who shows up to the mat has experienced some level of traumatisation. Why is it important? In the past couple of years trauma and trauma-informed care has become a new buzzword, but why and what does it all even mean? Maybe the pandemic had something to do with it, because clinical research in this area has been around since the the end of the 19th century (see more about the sexist history of “hysteria” here) but trauma informed care and wisdom are nothing new. It didn’t all start with some old white dudes in akademia, there is ancient indigenous knowledge of how to heal, become embodied and how to process trauma. Simply by becoming aware of how their bodies FELT, ancient humans created tools that made their bodies feel better (spiritual & religious tool like song, dance, prayer, yoga, meditation etc). Bessel Van der Kolk, one of the worlds leading experts in trauma, recognises this fact. Bessel’s book The Body Keeps the Score which was published in 2014 became ranked second in the science category of The New York Times Best Seller in 2019, and as of July 2021, the book had spent more than 141 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller List. This should tell you just how widespread this topic has become and if we practice Ahmisa and teach yoga to help in healing, rather than harming, then learning about how prevalent trauma is and it’s impact is a good place to start. We don’t have to question anyone, rather we should just assume that this is a fact and act accordingly. How prevalent is trauma? Often we may think of traumatic events as these “huge” life-threatening stressors like accidents, violence or natural disasters, and yes but not only, trauma is much more common than this and learning some of the statistics can be sobering. A survey done in 24 countries by WHO found that 70.4% people will have experienced lifetime traumas. The CDC statistics from the US report that one in four children experience some type of maltreatment (physical, emotional, sexual or neglect) during their life and one in four women have experienced domestic violence. A study called ACE’s (adverse childhood experiences) found that about 61% of adults surveyed reported they had experienced at least one type of ACE’s (adverse childhood experience) before age 18, and nearly 1 in 6 reported they had experienced four or more childhood traumatic experiences. Adverse childhood experiences can be experiencing things like abuse, violence or neglect and are linked to chronic health problems, mental illness, and destructive behaviours like substance use problems in adolescence and adulthood. Often these experiences (or lack of ones we should’ve received like stability, safety, love and acceptance) are pushed-away, bottled up or “forgotten” by the mind, but the body keeps the score like Van der Kolk said. How does trauma make us show up in life and can yoga help? Even if we don’t think about it or consciously remember the traumatic event, our body in order to protect us remembers all the sounds, smells, tone of voice and other sensory details associated with what happened and as a result different life circumstances can trigger big emotions to surface. These triggers and how we react to them are highly personal to each person but one was to describe it as being “hijacked” by ones body. THis can feel as if we are being “flooded” with intense emotions, thoughts and physical sensations or by “shutting down” or numbing (disassociating) to escape from feeling. It’s important to remember that neither of these “reactions” are a pathology, rather its our body’s way of adapting and coping, it’s protecting us and helping us to “survive”. When our body perceives threat our sympathetic nervous system gets us ready to fight or flee. But our body doesn’t discriminate, and throughout the day even when we’re hungry it thinks “OMG im going to die” but once you eat or whatever other perceived danger passes we come back into homeostasis, the parasympathetic NS of rest & digest. THis is a normal and necessary process and daily we rise to meet challenges and then calm down. A problem can start if we get “stuck on” or “stuck off” in one of these states and our NS still perceives danger, which literally rewires the brain. The good news is that our brains are plastic and can change during our whole lives so nothing is set in stone. Once we become aware that it’s not the external world but that something is happening inside of us then we can start to take care of ourselves, and one way to do that is through yoga. By yoga I don’t mean only asanas (physical yoga shapes) but also all of yoga philosophy and psychology. In the Yoga Sutras Patanjali wrote “Yoga chitta vritti nirodha”, which means “yoga is the stilling of fluctuations of the mind”- in this our mind, intellect and ego. This tells us what the true essence…
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Agency VS Dependance in yoga

June 26, 2022

Do you have a self practice, or do you only go to yoga classes? Or maybe you like both? We are after all different and have the right to our own preferences but what I don’t agree with however, is teachers who make their students dependant on them (intentionally or unintentionally) and keep them from developing a self practice. There inherently is a power imbalance in the teacher/student relationship but how do we know when this power dynamic is unhealthy? There are things that should be present which can minimise this imbalance, like the teacher leading students towards self discovery, using invitational language and acting as a guide rather than being a know it all yoga “general”. I’m not a psychiatrist but I suspect one of my teachers of being like this and possessing some narcissistic traits.Looking back I see that this person was abusing their role of “authority” and even though the environment was toxic I kept coming back because I thought that this was just how it is n all yoga schools. All the students were ALWAYS doing something “wrong” that had to be “fixed”. Forget about self discovery, there was only one way of doing things, and if you couldn’t do it you’d be pushed and shoved into it so that it could be done “the right way” in “perfect alignment”. In effect this lead me to push myself really hard and hurt myself constantly, it exacerbated my perfectionism and deeply rooted feelings of inadequacy stemming from childhood trauma. But it was also a great lesson, sometimes we can learn more from a “bad” teacher than from a “good” one! Good intentions aren’t always enough and they can hurt people too. I think that its important to be aware how our actions effect others, especially when we are in a position of power. This is what it means to have a trauma informed approach to teaching yoga, its consciously trying NOT to harm our students and empowering them. It’s not about CONTROLLING people, rather helping them find their inner voice and strength so they can make their own decisions. Remember you are the BEST expert of your own body!

The 8 Limbs of Yoga

June 6, 2022

I found yoga by accident, I didnt start practicing to get enlightened. At the time I was really into going to the gym and I used yoga to help me“stretch” after my workout… but before I knew it it, yoga ended up helping me not only transform my body, but also I deep finding deep realisations and in starting my healing journey – uniting my body with my mind and spirit. ❤️‍🩹 Contrary to popular belief Yoga is not just physical postures, there are many ways to practice yoga even off of the mat! If you’re not familiar with the 8 limbs of Yoga (Ashtanga Yoga) of Patanjali, I invite you on this little journey as we delve a little deeper into Yoga Philosophy! Basically, the Eight Limbs of Yoga can help us “get our shit together”, these are stages which can lead us to a deeper knowledge of ourselves, our minds, emotions and our spirit Self. The first limb of Yoga is the 5 Yamas, which talk about external discipline and are roadsigns to a “better” life inside society. It is said that by practicing these Yamas we can gain a deeper sense of self-awareness which in return can help us to transform negative energy and cultivate a deep, abiding sense of peace. The 5 Yamas: ✨ Ahimsa ( non-harming) which means not using violence against ANY living being as well as ourselves. And usually when there is an absence of violence, then arises love and kindness. ✨ Satya (truthfulness) here it is good to remember that sometimes the truth can also hurt, so Satya shouldn’t come into conflict with Ahimsa ✨ Asteya (non-stealing) this isn’t only stealing of physical things, it can also be understood as something like having the desire for something others have (fame, money, ower etc) and that can lead to cruelty and jealousy. ✨Brachmacharya(moderating the senses and the right usage of energy) Traditionally the intention of this Yama was to motivate yogis to conserve their sexual energy, although the word when translated can mean “actions that lead to Brahman”, meaning having behaviour which lead us towards God, higher power, the universe or whatever you want to call it. ✨ Aparigraha (non-possessivenesses, freedom from attachment) so its not about the goal that we are trying to obtain, but about our journey on the way to the goal. Like Krishna said, to not become attached to the outcome of our actions, but instead to concentrate on our actions. Have you ever started comparing yourself to someone or forced your body into a poses that “makes an impact” on others during in a yoga class? That is an example of Aparigraha. Can you think about and reflect on how these 5 Yamas may effect you and the people around you in everyday life? The next limb consists of the 5 Niyamas which are considered to be spiritual tools for internal work for learning how to regulate emotions and perceptions. These are practices which teach us how to care for ourselves and help cultivate happiness as well as self-confidence. ✨SELF-PURIFICATION (SHAUCHA) meaning keeping our body and mind “clean”. Reflection 💡 Do you try to be conscious of the food, emotions and thoughts that come into and arise in your body or do you ignore them? Do you critique yourself for these things or are you able to be understanding? ✨ CONTENTMENT (SANTOSHA) meaning being content with what is, accepting whatever life brings our way. Reflection 💡 Do you find yourself holding on to the past or are you able to let go and live in the present? It’s hard to be content in life if we are disappointed with ourselves and keep trying to “fix” and “improve” ourselves because of past “mistakes” but everything is a process and sometimes letting go of the past is harder than we think so try not to judge yourself, ✨ SELF-DISCIPLINE (TAPAS) meaning “heating up” the body. The fire that comes from Tapas is said to be a able to help us change old habit that no longer serve us, t newer “healthier” ones. Reflection 💡 The fire 🔥 of tapas can be used to replace old habits with new healthier ones. Can you think of something you’ve been wanting to do more regularly but you keep putting it off? Notice your mindset in this process, do you critique yourself because you “failed yet again” or are you kind towards yourself? ✨ SELF-STUDY (SVADHYAYA) meaning getting to know ourselves better, gaining self awareness in a spiritual sense. Reflection 💡 Reading spiritual books or watching movies can be very inspirational if we can learn to incorporate self reflection throughout the day. Can you recognize when you’re acting in harmony with your goals, and when you’re unconsciously countering them? ✨ SELF-SURRENDER (ISHVARA PRANIDHANA) this doesn’t mean to mindlessly give ourselves away to something to someone, but its the process of surrendering to a higher meaning and leaving the fruits of our actions to God,higher power, the universe etc. Reflection 💡 In meditation 🧘‍♀️ do you try to notice the thoughts, sensations and emotions as they arise? Do you ever notice the inner stillness of the present in between them. This experience can help us learn to let go of our attachments, even if just for a moment 😉 I won’t lie, for a long time I lived life without any self reflection. I hurt myself and I hurt many people with my actions, I wasn’t aware of the fact that I had never been taught how to regulate my emotions and so I just “reacted” to life. Often we may race through life without thinking about what’s happening with us or why we act the way we do, or should I say react impulsively. Its only when we begin to notice these things and feel these inner changes happening, can we begin to take care of ourselves and what here. I’m definitely NOT perfect today but through my new found insight on how…
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Trauma, Addiction & Yoga – The science behind healing your life

June 24, 2021

“Addiction is a complex psychophysiological process, but it has a few key components. I’d say that an addiction manifests in any behavior that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in and therefore craves, suffers negative consequences from, and has trouble giving up.” Dr. GABOR MATÉ: Usually when we think of addicts what comes to mind is a coke or heroin addict who’s throwing their whole life away just to satisfy their “dirty” little needs. There are two main views on addiction in the world today, one of the medical system of it being a brain disease therefor rendering us helpless victims and the other being the view of the legal system claiming that it is a CHOICE which is why they use punishment as a means of “rehabilitation”. But what if none of these are true? If we go by this definition of addiction by Dr. Gabor Maté, ( a world renown retired physician & addiction/trauma specialist) I bet that anyone who took a couple minutes to honestly reflect upon their life would find that addiction doesn’t have to pertain to only substances and that they themselves may not be exempt from it either. If addiction is a choice it most certainly isn’t a conscious one and why is it that some addictions are OK and some are against the law?“Any behaviour that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in” can be not only substances like illegal and or legal drugs (like alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, pain killers and other pharmaceuticals etc) but also things like food, sex, internet, pornography, gambling, binge watching tv shows, exercise, extreme sports, work, shopping the list goes on and on. If you were to take a look at your life honestly, would you admit that at one point in your life or another you have used any one or more of those things in an addictive way? Now stop and think of not WHY you did but what did these things do for you? Did they help you in numbing pain, numbing fear & anxiety, escaping from reality, relaxing, surviving, feeling pleasure, feeling loved, feeling accepted, feeling accomplished, feeling successful, feeling happy, satisfaction, releasing, fitting in, being understood, connecting, feeing courageous, getting a buz or to in simply feeling ALIVE? Are these bad things to want or normal human needs? Addictions usually start out as a temporary solution to a problem, the consequences come after. Addiction is an attempt to change our internal state by way of external things, so let’s not ask why the addiction, but like Dr. Mate like to ask WHY THE PAIN from which we are running away from? I know substances did all these things and more for me, but ever since I stopped using them I noticed addictive behaviours showing up in other areas of my life, which to me was a sign that it wasn’t the substances that were the issue but it was MUCH DEEPER than that. Addiction you see, isn’t the problem, it’s actually more of a symptom. No one chooses to be a an addict just for fun. It starts as the brains coping mechanism in early childhood development, helping the child to survive, not feeling PAIN and SUFFERING. “In the National Survey of Adolescents, teens who had experienced physical or sexual abuse/assault were three times more likely to report past or current substance abuse than those without a history of trauma.In surveys of adolescents receiving treatment for substance abuse, more than 70% of patients had a history of trauma exposure. This correlation is particularly strong for adolescents with PTSD. Studies indicate that up to 59% of young people with PTSD subsequently develop substance abuse problems.” The National Child Traumatic Stress Network www.NCTSN.org) When speaking about childhood trauma we must remember that it doesn’t necessarily have to be somethings as severe as sexual or physical abuse. Things like prenatal stress, absent parents, stressed parents (we can also add to the list intergenerational trauma as well but I’m trying to not make this short text a novel! ) and other problematic parental behaviours can cause a child to feel unwanted & unloved. To a young child it’s survival depends on it’s caregivers so this can be just as stressful to the developing brain and may cause permanent changes that will show up later in life. “The impact of stress on brain health begins in the womb. Both animal and human studies have found that prenatal maternal stress affects the brain and behavior of the offspring. Stressful life events, exposure to a natural disaster, and symptoms of maternal anxiety and depression increase the risk for the child having a range of emotional, behavioral and/or cognitive problems in later life. These include depression, anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and/or conduct disorders.“ – Prenatal stress: Effects on fetal and child brain development, AlexandraLautarescuabMichael C.CraigacVivetteGloverd A young child in nature is egocentric, it doesn’t understand why mommy and daddy have to work long days and are coming home stressed, all it knows is that it FEELS responsible for the unhappiness of the parents. This feeling of guilt changes the neurophysiology of that child forever , that’s why the biggest gift you can give to your child is your own happiness, which the child will gladly mirror. Don’t get me wrong here, im not trying to guilt shame all the parents out there. My parents did the best they could with what they had, they didn’t have a grand childhood either thats how this cycle of intergenerational trauma works. The good news is that once we are conscious of it we can change it. As a result, I ended up feeling like “the black sheep” and “problem child”who didn’t know how to control her emotions and that feeling of “not good enough” still haunts me today. I moved from Poland to New York City at the age of 5 which didn’t help me in the confidence department since I hardly knew how to speak English and was thrown…
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Be your own light

November 2, 2020

They say when the student is ready the master will come but what are we to do when that master turns out to be just a mere mortal like the rest of us? What happens when we find out that he/she is only an imperfect “human” and not an omniscient and omnipresent being? Guru under a blanket In his book “A MIracle of Love” Ram Dass, the late former Harvard proffessor, yogi and spiritual teacher, wrote about life with his Guru Neem Karoli Baba, his students called him Majarajii. Meeting him in 1967 changed his whole life, said Ram DAss. It was only their first time meeting and it was as if he had read his mind when he asked him if he had been thinking of his mother the night prior. Ram Dass answered that he has been, Maharajii just nodded his head saying that he knew this and that his mother had died 6 months ago because of “Spleen”. Thats when something burst inside of him and his heart started to open like a flower. He cried for two days nonstop, asking himself how on Earth could this man have known this? Besides reading minds Majarajii was said to have many other “siddis”, or supernatural powers, but at the same time he claimed to be NOBODY. He was a small toothless man, who could often be found sitting under his favourite blanket, not really your visually picture perfect Guru. Nether the less everything he did and siad acted as a reflection, which showed Ram Dass how much more work he had to do on himself on his spiritual journey. This is the role of the guru, to be the mirror reflection which helps us to realise the answers are already inside us, that the real guru is us and we are looking at ourselves in the mirror. Meditation Master accused of sexual abuse After returning from India he started travelling across the U.S.A giving lectures about his experiences and learned teachings from the East, and in 1974 he joined a team of professors at the newly founded Naropa Institute(the first Buddhist-Inspired university) ran by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Who would think that a couple years after his death, his son Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche would be asked to step down from his ruling position in Shambhala International, the worlds largest Buddhist network of meditation centers, retreats, universeties and monesteries,because of sexual misconduct allegations dating back to the 90s. The law firm handling the investigation has also received numerous reports of sexual misconduct( including underage children) by other leaders and new victims continue to make themselves heard and police are investigating. All of this has left the people in the community feeling confused, hurt, sad and angry. Afterall, do the teachings that Sakyong was teaching and all that he represented still have any validity after all this has come to the surface? This is a question the Shambhala community is faced with today. Hot Yoga heats up In the 70s Bikram Choudhury and his 26 hot yoga poses swept the nation and at one point there were over 650 studios in the US with teachers repeating his words, in what is called “The Dialogue”. In 2017 the court awarded his former lawyer Minakshi Jafa-Bodden 7 million dollars and she later took control of his business after he had fled the country facing several accounts of alleged sexual assault and discrimination against racial and sexual minorities. Today you can find him in Acapulco in his speedos and gold Rolex, still teaching and training teachers for up to 17,000 dollars each who don’t seem to mind all of the allegations being made against their guru, but then again should they stop doing a practice they have grown to love because of one mans mistakes? Abuse can wear many masks Is It possible to be so blinded by faith or love to not see what is right in front of your eyes? I speak from experience when I say yes. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years back when I was a teenager. It started out as a big love like in a Hollywood movie, but gradually it all changed. He started becoming more controlling, he turned me against all my friends and before I knew it I was alone and couldn’t even leave the house without his permission. The mental and physical abuse got stronger until finally he punched me in the face breaking my nose. I was so “in love” with him I would have taken him back if he hadn’t have gone to prison, for gun posession. Abusers are master manipulators and have the power to convince you that you are wrong, crazy and that you simply deserve all the abuse. Uneven power dynamics In a healthy relationship the “power dyanmics” should be somewhat evenly balanced and in a perfect world the people with more power (including the authority figures, politicians, armies, police as well as all the teachers and Gurus) should be responsible to SERVE the rest. Unfortunatly not everyone can resist the temptation of over using their power and keep their ethics and morality in tact. Especially if they have undiagnosed and untreated trauma. Respecting authority is something we are taught early on in life and all is fine and well until it turns out they were flawed or mentally ill, that’s when the abuse begins. Should you forgive sexual abuse? Anneke Lukas was sold as a child sex slave to a pedophile network at the age of 6 by her mother.The network was ran by high ranking political aristocrats. After 5 years of regular rape, she was rescued by someone on the inside. Her long healing journey has lasted over 30 years and consisted of writing, physco-therapy, yoga, meditation and service to other sex trafficking and satanic ritual victims inside and outside of prisons through her non-profit organisation Liberation Prison Yoga. She first met K. Pattabhi Jois, the father of Ashtanga Yoga, in 2001 during…
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