Becoming Nobody
I didn’t start practicing Yoga to get enlightened, I started because I was obsessed with getting fit training at the gym everyday and I heard that practicing Yoga was a great way to “stretch” after a strenuous workout. One thing led to another and my love affair with the gym ended abruptly and my Yoga Journey began.
The first year wasn’t easy, even though I was only 32 years old I was stiff as a rock and could barely reach my toes. What kept me coming back on my mat was the physical progress at first, my body started changing and opening. Even though the first couple of months I spent with videos on YouTube(I was too embarrassed to go to a Yoga class) I also started having different flashbacks on my mat, the memories and emotions which were stored in my body were coming out, I laughed and cried as my body cleansed. Then I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
My Ashtanga practice was with me during my surgery, radiotherapy and recovery. I bought my mat to the hospital, it kept me going and it gave me hope. I started meditating for the first time, to keep the flood of fearful thoughts from drowning me. At first it was extremely difficult to quiet my monkey mind. I used different led meditations because I couldn’t concentrate on anything for longer than a second, but gradually I trained that monkey to sit still for longer amounts of time.
Another level of Yoga started to reveal itself to me. It was no longer just a physical practice of Asana, Dharana and Dhayana began giving me insight into my inner being. I relived all the traumatic events during my meditation states, I cried, I hugged the sad, broken, little girl inside. Not only was my body changing, I started changing from the inside out.
I found the light within me, I connected to something bigger. I can’t put it into words, but it gave me strength to keep going forward. I started changing negative thought patterns and habits, my victim mentality had to go! I started to be kind to myself once again, learning to let things go. Today I still get on my mat and meditate regularly. Today I am cancer free.
So is Yoga just stretching? Or is it something more? The ancient Hindu texts clearly state the prior. The only problem is, that the majority of the people in the West have watered it down to being just a physical practice. Don’t get me wrong, it does do wonders for the body if we stay committed but it has the potential to do so much more.
I started teaching Yoga because I want to share my insights with the world. No I’m not special, anyone can do this. Awakening to your true nature, realising who you really are is possible when you are ready. This is why I’m not just an Asana teacher. Yes it is important to take care of our bodies, we only get this one in this incarnation after all, but we are not the body, we are so much more than that. We are a loving awareness, a consciousness, a soul, a spirit… whatever metaphor you want to use is fine with me.
Everything in this universe is made of the same stuff, quantum physics will concur. So who are you really? If you are made of the same stuff that stars are made of? Thinking we are separate is just an illusion, we are all “just God in drag” like Ram Dass used to say. My whole life I wanted to become somebody, but now I’m on a path to becoming nobody(please check out the recently released movie about the life of the incredible soul, yogi and spiritual teacher Ram Dass, Becoming Nobody).
2 Responses
Love this blog post! Love you! And love Misia! The end! The beginning! 🙂
Aww thanks for the love girl!! We love you two too!! All the best to you in these crazy times my sister from another mister!
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