healing journey Archives - Page 2 of 2

Trauma, Addiction & Yoga – The science behind healing your life

June 24, 2021

“Addiction is a complex psychophysiological process, but it has a few key components. I’d say that an addiction manifests in any behavior that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in and therefore craves, suffers negative consequences from, and has trouble giving up.” Dr. GABOR MATÉ: Usually when we think of addicts what comes to mind is a coke or heroin addict who’s throwing their whole life away just to satisfy their “dirty” little needs. There are two main views on addiction in the world today, one of the medical system of it being a brain disease therefor rendering us helpless victims and the other being the view of the legal system claiming that it is a CHOICE which is why they use punishment as a means of “rehabilitation”. But what if none of these are true? If we go by this definition of addiction by Dr. Gabor Maté, ( a world renown retired physician & addiction/trauma specialist) I bet that anyone who took a couple minutes to honestly reflect upon their life would find that addiction doesn’t have to pertain to only substances and that they themselves may not be exempt from it either. If addiction is a choice it most certainly isn’t a conscious one and why is it that some addictions are OK and some are against the law?“Any behaviour that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in” can be not only substances like illegal and or legal drugs (like alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, pain killers and other pharmaceuticals etc) but also things like food, sex, internet, pornography, gambling, binge watching tv shows, exercise, extreme sports, work, shopping the list goes on and on. If you were to take a look at your life honestly, would you admit that at one point in your life or another you have used any one or more of those things in an addictive way? Now stop and think of not WHY you did but what did these things do for you? Did they help you in numbing pain, numbing fear & anxiety, escaping from reality, relaxing, surviving, feeling pleasure, feeling loved, feeling accepted, feeling accomplished, feeling successful, feeling happy, satisfaction, releasing, fitting in, being understood, connecting, feeing courageous, getting a buz or to in simply feeling ALIVE? Are these bad things to want or normal human needs? Addictions usually start out as a temporary solution to a problem, the consequences come after. Addiction is an attempt to change our internal state by way of external things, so let’s not ask why the addiction, but like Dr. Mate like to ask WHY THE PAIN from which we are running away from? I know substances did all these things and more for me, but ever since I stopped using them I noticed addictive behaviours showing up in other areas of my life, which to me was a sign that it wasn’t the substances that were the issue but it was MUCH DEEPER than that. Addiction you see, isn’t the problem, it’s actually more of a symptom. No one chooses to be a an addict just for fun. It starts as the brains coping mechanism in early childhood development, helping the child to survive, not feeling PAIN and SUFFERING. “In the National Survey of Adolescents, teens who had experienced physical or sexual abuse/assault were three times more likely to report past or current substance abuse than those without a history of trauma.In surveys of adolescents receiving treatment for substance abuse, more than 70% of patients had a history of trauma exposure. This correlation is particularly strong for adolescents with PTSD. Studies indicate that up to 59% of young people with PTSD subsequently develop substance abuse problems.” The National Child Traumatic Stress Network www.NCTSN.org) When speaking about childhood trauma we must remember that it doesn’t necessarily have to be somethings as severe as sexual or physical abuse. Things like prenatal stress, absent parents, stressed parents (we can also add to the list intergenerational trauma as well but I’m trying to not make this short text a novel! ) and other problematic parental behaviours can cause a child to feel unwanted & unloved. To a young child it’s survival depends on it’s caregivers so this can be just as stressful to the developing brain and may cause permanent changes that will show up later in life. “The impact of stress on brain health begins in the womb. Both animal and human studies have found that prenatal maternal stress affects the brain and behavior of the offspring. Stressful life events, exposure to a natural disaster, and symptoms of maternal anxiety and depression increase the risk for the child having a range of emotional, behavioral and/or cognitive problems in later life. These include depression, anxiety, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and/or conduct disorders.“ – Prenatal stress: Effects on fetal and child brain development, AlexandraLautarescuabMichael C.CraigacVivetteGloverd A young child in nature is egocentric, it doesn’t understand why mommy and daddy have to work long days and are coming home stressed, all it knows is that it FEELS responsible for the unhappiness of the parents. This feeling of guilt changes the neurophysiology of that child forever , that’s why the biggest gift you can give to your child is your own happiness, which the child will gladly mirror. Don’t get me wrong here, im not trying to guilt shame all the parents out there. My parents did the best they could with what they had, they didn’t have a grand childhood either thats how this cycle of intergenerational trauma works. The good news is that once we are conscious of it we can change it. As a result, I ended up feeling like “the black sheep” and “problem child”who didn’t know how to control her emotions and that feeling of “not good enough” still haunts me today. I moved from Poland to New York City at the age of 5 which didn’t help me in the confidence department since I hardly knew how to speak English and was thrown…
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Be your own light

November 2, 2020

They say when the student is ready the master will come but what are we to do when that master turns out to be just a mere mortal like the rest of us? What happens when we find out that he/she is only an imperfect “human” and not an omniscient and omnipresent being? Guru under a blanket In his book “A MIracle of Love” Ram Dass, the late former Harvard proffessor, yogi and spiritual teacher, wrote about life with his Guru Neem Karoli Baba, his students called him Majarajii. Meeting him in 1967 changed his whole life, said Ram DAss. It was only their first time meeting and it was as if he had read his mind when he asked him if he had been thinking of his mother the night prior. Ram Dass answered that he has been, Maharajii just nodded his head saying that he knew this and that his mother had died 6 months ago because of “Spleen”. Thats when something burst inside of him and his heart started to open like a flower. He cried for two days nonstop, asking himself how on Earth could this man have known this? Besides reading minds Majarajii was said to have many other “siddis”, or supernatural powers, but at the same time he claimed to be NOBODY. He was a small toothless man, who could often be found sitting under his favourite blanket, not really your visually picture perfect Guru. Nether the less everything he did and siad acted as a reflection, which showed Ram Dass how much more work he had to do on himself on his spiritual journey. This is the role of the guru, to be the mirror reflection which helps us to realise the answers are already inside us, that the real guru is us and we are looking at ourselves in the mirror. Meditation Master accused of sexual abuse After returning from India he started travelling across the U.S.A giving lectures about his experiences and learned teachings from the East, and in 1974 he joined a team of professors at the newly founded Naropa Institute(the first Buddhist-Inspired university) ran by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche. Who would think that a couple years after his death, his son Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche would be asked to step down from his ruling position in Shambhala International, the worlds largest Buddhist network of meditation centers, retreats, universeties and monesteries,because of sexual misconduct allegations dating back to the 90s. The law firm handling the investigation has also received numerous reports of sexual misconduct( including underage children) by other leaders and new victims continue to make themselves heard and police are investigating. All of this has left the people in the community feeling confused, hurt, sad and angry. Afterall, do the teachings that Sakyong was teaching and all that he represented still have any validity after all this has come to the surface? This is a question the Shambhala community is faced with today. Hot Yoga heats up In the 70s Bikram Choudhury and his 26 hot yoga poses swept the nation and at one point there were over 650 studios in the US with teachers repeating his words, in what is called “The Dialogue”. In 2017 the court awarded his former lawyer Minakshi Jafa-Bodden 7 million dollars and she later took control of his business after he had fled the country facing several accounts of alleged sexual assault and discrimination against racial and sexual minorities. Today you can find him in Acapulco in his speedos and gold Rolex, still teaching and training teachers for up to 17,000 dollars each who don’t seem to mind all of the allegations being made against their guru, but then again should they stop doing a practice they have grown to love because of one mans mistakes? Abuse can wear many masks Is It possible to be so blinded by faith or love to not see what is right in front of your eyes? I speak from experience when I say yes. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years back when I was a teenager. It started out as a big love like in a Hollywood movie, but gradually it all changed. He started becoming more controlling, he turned me against all my friends and before I knew it I was alone and couldn’t even leave the house without his permission. The mental and physical abuse got stronger until finally he punched me in the face breaking my nose. I was so “in love” with him I would have taken him back if he hadn’t have gone to prison, for gun posession. Abusers are master manipulators and have the power to convince you that you are wrong, crazy and that you simply deserve all the abuse. Uneven power dynamics In a healthy relationship the “power dyanmics” should be somewhat evenly balanced and in a perfect world the people with more power (including the authority figures, politicians, armies, police as well as all the teachers and Gurus) should be responsible to SERVE the rest. Unfortunatly not everyone can resist the temptation of over using their power and keep their ethics and morality in tact. Especially if they have undiagnosed and untreated trauma. Respecting authority is something we are taught early on in life and all is fine and well until it turns out they were flawed or mentally ill, that’s when the abuse begins. Should you forgive sexual abuse? Anneke Lukas was sold as a child sex slave to a pedophile network at the age of 6 by her mother.The network was ran by high ranking political aristocrats. After 5 years of regular rape, she was rescued by someone on the inside. Her long healing journey has lasted over 30 years and consisted of writing, physco-therapy, yoga, meditation and service to other sex trafficking and satanic ritual victims inside and outside of prisons through her non-profit organisation Liberation Prison Yoga. She first met K. Pattabhi Jois, the father of Ashtanga Yoga, in 2001 during…
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Uncertain Times

July 1, 2020

In these uncertain times one thing is certain, that nothing is permanent. This pandemic swept across our planet like a tsunami. At times I really felt like I was living in some sort of Hollywood blockbuster movies, totally surreal. At first I thought it was all some sort of elaborate hoax, propagated by the media and governments. I laughed at all the people panicking. I had stopped watching TV a couple of years back so there was no way I was about to turn on the news, but then one day the severity of the situation just hit me like a running train. I couldn’t live in denial anymore, social media were filled with news of all the people dying in China and now Italy. The fear and panic of others started to attach itself to me the more I read about it. I had only healed from cancer 2 years ago, am I in the high risk group? Am I going to die? Are my friends and loved ones going to die? Yes, eventually everyone will die, even me, but that wasn’t the point. The fear kept getting bigger and my anxiety worse. Still, each morning I got on my mat. Inhale. Exhale. I don’t practice yoga to master the poses, although progress in them is nice I won’t deny that, I practice because it teaches me to live in the present moment. It teaches me to respond rather than react. It teaches me to connect to my body and it shows me that I’m so much more than that. The slow deep steady breath sends a message to the parasympathetic nervous system that it’s ok, you can relax It’s especially important in difficult poses(like Kapotasana for example =P) my body learns it can overcome difficult situations and that all is well, this later reflects in my daily life. When yoga is practiced this way it becomes a moving meditation, this is why I love Ashtanga Yoga because it later reflects in my daily life. A moving meditation is great but sometimes we need to just sit still and feel grounded. Noting has helped me more in these chaotic times of the pandemic than my meditation practice. It’s not aways pleasant, the body hurts, the mind wanders.. but with each itch you don’t scratch, you get stronger. You slowly start to realise that you’re not this body afterall, or the heart and its emotions or the mind with it’s endless thoughts, plans and doomsday premonitions. You start to awaken to the fact that you are the observer behind it all, the loving awareness, the one who knows. On some days during this #lockdown2020 I woke up feeling hopeful, high on energy and the creative juices flowed like a waterfall. I finally finished my website, started a YouTube channel, created lots of content and so on. I actually feel great! Happy I don’t have to go anywhere and that I could just concentrate on creating and growing. On other days I would wake up with a black cloud over my head. Feeling heavy, sad, paranoid and like someone sucked all the life out of me. My mind took me on wild fearful rides like magic mountain in Disney World. I started thinking of the worst possible scenarios, believing they would all come true. I didn’t see any silver linings or happy endings, on those days my spiritual practice was especially important. You see it’s easy to practice when all is well, but the real work and growth starts to happen when times get tough. Sitting in meditation has showed me how wild my mind actually is(it’s not just mine, it’s yours too buddy!). Our mind secretes thoughts like the tongue secretes saliva. The thoughts come and go, and none of them are necessarily a reflection of reality. Learning to notice them, accept & honor them and not react to them is a life long process, but one worth embarking upon. Through the daily practice of living mindfully and non- attachment we will gradually suffer less. Instead of constant desire, wanting and grasping or constant aversion and pushing away of life.. we will accept life more gracefully following the path of the middle way, with our hearts wide open.